She is out of my league

I was looking for some inspiration on a rainy day, then this song came on my playlist and the hairs stood up on my arms and chills ran down my back, now this is something I can relate to. Don’t believe me? I can prove it. Below are the lyrics, broken down with reference to my bride-to-be.

it’s her hair and her eyes todayIMG_1957
that just simply take me away

 

I get lost in more then just her eyes and hair, but it always is the piercing honesty and love in her eyes along with the playful way her hair falls that draw me in and renders me utterly speechless. Before we even met I saw this picture of our future intern who would become the love of my life. It took my breath away then, and still does today.

and the feeling that i’m falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good wayIMG_2134.PNG

Remember when I said that this song made my hair stand up and shivers down my back? well that is because this woman, Jayme, sometimes feels too good to be real. Like putting my needs before hers, always thinking the most of me, and never allowing anger or jealousy to control our relationship. I get moments that I don’t believe to be real, they shake me at my core, but in a good way.

all the times I have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hairIMG_2252.PNG

Jayme is purposeful, whether she is getting ready to look her best, talk with a friend, work on a project, she always does so with intent. I am always in awe of her level of thoughtfulness with her life. I love her ability to care and “give fucks” about the dumb concerns I have. She always cares. I not only metaphorically stare, I actually stare because she is simply stunning and I cannot take my eyes off of her. I am addicted to her love and look.

and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to sayIMG_2120.PNG

Playfulness, humor, goofiness are all some of the basic building blocks of our relationship and also who Jayme is as a person. Whether we are talking about her smelly farts (okay fine my smelly farts) tickle/not tickling “I just want to rest my hand in your arm pit, I won’t move it”<—(that is real BTW), or having fake phone conversations with “babes-r-us” We always being completely ourselves together. and on a different level, the simplicity of this leaves me stunned, how what truly brings happiness are those moments where she makes a goofy face, or a joke, and is my best friend and not just my girlfriend.

cause I love her with all that I am
and my voice shakes along with my handsIMG_2041.PNG

So I want to preface this with, I never get nervous to present, talk, discuss, or in the past, flirt. I am smooth and great with words (make a spelling or grammar joke right now, I dare you) but Jayme doesn’t allow me that luxury. Of course I am able to be me around her and we are completely in love, but the first time I really felt that I might not be doing enough was when I was courting her. She was so beyond what I thought existed in this world, that I finally understood what it meant to be humbled in the art of communication.

cause she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and I’m out of my league once againIMG_1985

 ^that, exactly what is said in the song, word for word. I went from living in the basement of a friend, with no real possessions (old bed, tv, and dresser lent from family), no direction, but that all changed on the day that I got to hold her hand, look into her eyes, and call her “mine”.

 

it’s a masterful melody when she calls out my name to meIMG_2111

 

The sweetest sound in the world is my name rolling off her lips, whether it is my real name (Luke) one of the many nicknames she has given me (Max, Mr. Mcdougall, Lucas, Pukas, Kitten) or simply “Babe”. Whichever one she chooses matters not to me, I could listen to that for the rest of my life, and I intend to make it so.

as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and I feel like I’m falling but it’s no surpriseIMG_2835

Jayme takes things as they come, never really appearing overwhelmed by what is
ahead of her. (unless it relates to having no sweets in the house, then shit gets real). But she has such a pragmatic way of dealing with problems and issues. She shakes them off and lets the negativity shed from her life and she accentuates the beauty and positivism. I want to emulate her in this respect, She has me falling for her even when she is simply being herself and that is an irreplaceable feeling .

coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands

see above

cause it’s frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i’d rather be here than on land12642787_10100262883222645_6001755073780260020_n

The dive into love and relationship is a big one.
Most people tend to dip their toes in, always keeping a guard of some-kind up so when/if it ends, the pain won’t be so bad. This might be true, but they are never able to feel the most intense levels of love. Both me and Jayme have done the opposite, we took off all that protects us and have jumped head first into the sea of togetherness, no life-vest, no raft, just each other. Finding a partner who is willing to take that leap with me has lead me to the most amazing adventure of my life.

 

 

And from there it repeats, but the song has such a strong meaning to me, such an honesty that evokes all aspects of Jayme and mine’s relationship that whenever I hear this song in the future it will stop me in my tracks and remind me that not only have a found the love of my life, best friend, and future wife, but I have found something so incredibly special, that few get to truly understand, I need to protect and foster that, because as the song says, “yes she’s all that i see and she’s all that i need and i’m out of my league once again.”

 

 

 

Lose yourself, find us

If you had

One shot

or one opportunity

to seize everything you ever wanted

would you capture it?

Or just let it slip?

This are lines from a song that me  and Jayme bonded to early on in our life together. We would drive in the car and just rap our little hearts out. We have gotten really good at it, I mean like epically good. so good we recorded our own version driving to my mom’s house. Check out the video here!

But one thing I have been thinking about recently it the idea of losing yourself to find us. The concept that, to become a couple means the single you needs to change. I don’t mean in a codependent sense, but to be so completely intertwined in each others life, that your identity is tangled up in the other person. vines
I realize this idea sounds constricting, binding, almost weight-bearing, but when that person you are bound to is the love of your life, that feeling is comforting and strengthening. Much like two vines that lean on each other for support. alone they would wilt and fall, but together, they are able to draw on each other in the good times and the bad.

While it hasn’t been easy, me and Jayme have become an us, and nothing could make me happier. sure it results in sacrifice and change, (RIP farting in bed) but the juice has definitely been worth the squeeze.

There is a saying, that someone who gives up freedom for security deserves neither, but in my mind someone willing to give up themselves to find us, deserves both.