love story

4 Sleeps till forever.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

So I technically started this posted on Monday (I titled it at least) but am writing it on Tuesday. It sounds better with 4 so we stick with it. 🙂

This is it, the last Monday morning drive into work without my babe being on the other side. This is been a very long journey together, we have learned a lot and grown even closer as a couple. When I started this blog I knew that it was about my time with Jayme, how when the time was right, that I would propose to her and provide her with the gift of me forever (and some type of ring-like figure as well). I never thought that throughout this journey that I would be able to be loved and love so intensely. I know now that I am ready to make this official, but I think my babe needs a little more time to figure out what our engagement would look like. So We will continue this journey no longer in two separate locations, but together, under the same roof, with the same bed, and behind the same door.

Sunday’s have been tough, even when we are together we know our time is short and it is like a cloud hanging over us. But this Sunday will be something magical, because even though I have to go in work, I know my babe will be at our home.   We have always been in a state of transition, stability has not been a luxury we have been afforded, but that all changes in 4 sleeps.  The tender love of the same woman who saved a baby bunny this weekend, will be with me from this day forward.

So even though I haven’t found a job closer to home, or Jayme doesn’t have one at all, or the fact that we are massively in debt, we have the one most absolutely pivotal piece to happiness. Real, genuine, unfiltered, love on the rocks. Its not dolled up or diluted by selfishness and jealousy, It is pure and simple. It is ours to enjoy and hold sacred. We might have plenty of other problems to solve, but in 4 sleeps… we have forever to figure it out.

The left: The sun setting on my first time leaving Jayme

The Right: The Sun rising on my last time leaving the love of my life.

She is out of my league

Posted on by lwsteinbach

I was looking for some inspiration on a rainy day, then this song came on my playlist and the hairs stood up on my arms and chills ran down my back, now this is something I can relate to. Don’t believe me? I can prove it. Below are the lyrics, broken down with reference to my bride-to-be.

it’s her hair and her eyes todayIMG_1957
that just simply take me away

 

I get lost in more then just her eyes and hair, but it always is the piercing honesty and love in her eyes along with the playful way her hair falls that draw me in and renders me utterly speechless. Before we even met I saw this picture of our future intern who would become the love of my life. It took my breath away then, and still does today.

and the feeling that i’m falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good wayIMG_2134.PNG

Remember when I said that this song made my hair stand up and shivers down my back? well that is because this woman, Jayme, sometimes feels too good to be real. Like putting my needs before hers, always thinking the most of me, and never allowing anger or jealousy to control our relationship. I get moments that I don’t believe to be real, they shake me at my core, but in a good way.

all the times I have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hairIMG_2252.PNG

Jayme is purposeful, whether she is getting ready to look her best, talk with a friend, work on a project, she always does so with intent. I am always in awe of her level of thoughtfulness with her life. I love her ability to care and “give fucks” about the dumb concerns I have. She always cares. I not only metaphorically stare, I actually stare because she is simply stunning and I cannot take my eyes off of her. I am addicted to her love and look.

and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to sayIMG_2120.PNG

Playfulness, humor, goofiness are all some of the basic building blocks of our relationship and also who Jayme is as a person. Whether we are talking about her smelly farts (okay fine my smelly farts) tickle/not tickling “I just want to rest my hand in your arm pit, I won’t move it”<—(that is real BTW), or having fake phone conversations with “babes-r-us” We always being completely ourselves together. and on a different level, the simplicity of this leaves me stunned, how what truly brings happiness are those moments where she makes a goofy face, or a joke, and is my best friend and not just my girlfriend.

cause I love her with all that I am
and my voice shakes along with my handsIMG_2041.PNG

So I want to preface this with, I never get nervous to present, talk, discuss, or in the past, flirt. I am smooth and great with words (make a spelling or grammar joke right now, I dare you) but Jayme doesn’t allow me that luxury. Of course I am able to be me around her and we are completely in love, but the first time I really felt that I might not be doing enough was when I was courting her. She was so beyond what I thought existed in this world, that I finally understood what it meant to be humbled in the art of communication.

cause she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and I’m out of my league once againIMG_1985

 ^that, exactly what is said in the song, word for word. I went from living in the basement of a friend, with no real possessions (old bed, tv, and dresser lent from family), no direction, but that all changed on the day that I got to hold her hand, look into her eyes, and call her “mine”.

 

it’s a masterful melody when she calls out my name to meIMG_2111

 

The sweetest sound in the world is my name rolling off her lips, whether it is my real name (Luke) one of the many nicknames she has given me (Max, Mr. Mcdougall, Lucas, Pukas, Kitten) or simply “Babe”. Whichever one she chooses matters not to me, I could listen to that for the rest of my life, and I intend to make it so.

as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and I feel like I’m falling but it’s no surpriseIMG_2835

Jayme takes things as they come, never really appearing overwhelmed by what is
ahead of her. (unless it relates to having no sweets in the house, then shit gets real). But she has such a pragmatic way of dealing with problems and issues. She shakes them off and lets the negativity shed from her life and she accentuates the beauty and positivism. I want to emulate her in this respect, She has me falling for her even when she is simply being herself and that is an irreplaceable feeling .

coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands

see above

cause it’s frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i’d rather be here than on land12642787_10100262883222645_6001755073780260020_n

The dive into love and relationship is a big one.
Most people tend to dip their toes in, always keeping a guard of some-kind up so when/if it ends, the pain won’t be so bad. This might be true, but they are never able to feel the most intense levels of love. Both me and Jayme have done the opposite, we took off all that protects us and have jumped head first into the sea of togetherness, no life-vest, no raft, just each other. Finding a partner who is willing to take that leap with me has lead me to the most amazing adventure of my life.

 

 

And from there it repeats, but the song has such a strong meaning to me, such an honesty that evokes all aspects of Jayme and mine’s relationship that whenever I hear this song in the future it will stop me in my tracks and remind me that not only have a found the love of my life, best friend, and future wife, but I have found something so incredibly special, that few get to truly understand, I need to protect and foster that, because as the song says, “yes she’s all that i see and she’s all that i need and i’m out of my league once again.”

 

 

 

Babe 101: An Introduction to Babing

Posted on by lwsteinbach

Class is in session and today’s topic is babing. And all but my sweet miss Jayme Lee will have no idea what that means.

Babing was born from how much I use the word “babe” to refer to Jayme. She thought it was funny and so it began conversations and sentences that looked like this. “A babe just wanted to babe their babe” “Babe, hey babe, you are babing your babe so good.” You can now feel free to vomit rainbows due to the uncontrollable levels of cuteness. But underneath those ridiculous conversations is what makes me and Jayme what we are, it is the essence of our relationship. The best way I can describe it is as follows,

Babing is an unmatched tender and honest love sprinkled with an absolute and unwavering dedication to the one person who fills every moment with the comfort and joy of true companionship.

Babing might seem complicated, but when you find the right babe, it comes so naturally and effortless it is like a normal level of function. For me, Jayme draws me into wanting to be the best version of myself. I will be the first to say I am no saint; I make mistakes, get upset in traffic, spend too much on a night out, make questionable food choices (pizza left out overnight is never a good idea). But the core of what I am has been expounded on by Jayme. she helps me overcome myself and be the man I want to be, the one who will do anything for her and her love. because that is simply what a babe does when they are babing their babe. And when I falter (which happens more then I would like) she is always there to support and encourage me. <—- (That’s the unconditional part 🙂

I have known many different emotions and feelings in my life, but none of them compare to feeling babed. The feeling of complete love and devotion. While the time apart is difficult, knowing I have a babe out there who is thinking about her babe and how she is going to babe that babe, well, it makes the time a little more “babeable”.

 

Next to me.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

So time apart is hard, this internship of Jayme’s is killer for us. I have posted several pictures of FaceTime screenshots and talked about 197 mile drive between us. But it is Easter break and Jayme is in our bed, in our home, where she belongs, and it feels amazing. I awoke today feeling more rested then ever. With energy I left this morning leaving the stove on (which she turned off) and in such a great mood, because I knew after the day was done I would be coming back home to my love.
image1
Jayme was going to take her day off and help her sister with a little cleaning, run some errands, and take care of a few appointments, which would mean she wouldn’t be around to message ALL DAY with me, a fact I forgot when I got to work and wrote the below message.
“So I pulled up FB today out of habit, and started typing you a message then remember you are not sitting at a computer patiently waiting for your babe, but since I had it open already maybe you deserve a little maple in your morning, so here it goes. I love you Jayme, I love you in a completely cheesy romantic comedy movie kind of way. the way that you see people fawning over and desiring in their lives. I love you so uncontrollably that I find myself wanting to burst into conversation with strangers about how happy I am and how great my girlfriend is. I love you so personally that no one in the world will be able to understand the depth of that love expect me and you. I love you so fiercely that I am willing to expound all that I have to bring you the smallest of joys. I love you so wholly that every bit of you, even the things you don’t particularly like, those things make you, you and something that I love without end. But above all that I love you so absolutely, which is why I know I want you to be with me forever, by my side, through the hard times, the goofy times, the fun times, the stressful times, all the times.“
I still sent it to her (I mean how couldn’t I, it was pretty great) but what I enjoyed the most about writing it was knowing that all of those things I feel for her, she feels back for me. Jayme, thank you for the gift of your love, you overwhelm me with it.

Lose yourself, find us

Posted on by lwsteinbach

If you had

One shot

or one opportunity

to seize everything you ever wanted

would you capture it?

Or just let it slip?

This are lines from a song that me  and Jayme bonded to early on in our life together. We would drive in the car and just rap our little hearts out. We have gotten really good at it, I mean like epically good. so good we recorded our own version driving to my mom’s house. Check out the video here!

But one thing I have been thinking about recently it the idea of losing yourself to find us. The concept that, to become a couple means the single you needs to change. I don’t mean in a codependent sense, but to be so completely intertwined in each others life, that your identity is tangled up in the other person. vines
I realize this idea sounds constricting, binding, almost weight-bearing, but when that person you are bound to is the love of your life, that feeling is comforting and strengthening. Much like two vines that lean on each other for support. alone they would wilt and fall, but together, they are able to draw on each other in the good times and the bad.

While it hasn’t been easy, me and Jayme have become an us, and nothing could make me happier. sure it results in sacrifice and change, (RIP farting in bed) but the juice has definitely been worth the squeeze.

There is a saying, that someone who gives up freedom for security deserves neither, but in my mind someone willing to give up themselves to find us, deserves both.

zero sleeps

Posted on by lwsteinbach

My new favorite unit of measurement is sleeps. This is how I measure the time before I get to see that lovely woman known as Jayme. Sure technology has allowed us to stay in touch with FaceTime, texting, Snapchat, ect, but nothing can beat the feelings of having her in my arms at night. I look forward so much to the simple pleasure of having her by my side while we talk. Holding her hand in the car, going shopping together, it doesn’t matter what it is, it is infinitely better when she is able to be by my side.

This whole long distance thing is not easy and we have found out after three weeks that it is the nights that are the hardest. When you just want to be alone together. That is why “sleeps” have become such a cool thing. It helps remind me that I only have to lay my head down on that pillow X more times before it is no longer there alone.

Every day Jayme becomes more and more a fixture in my life, and last night she confirmed that I am in hers as well. While we might have several more weeks to go of her being 197 miles away, she has decided that the first thing she will do after her internship is to make my place, our place. Now this is something I have already been feeling, but to hear her confirm that she feels the same it is utterly euphoric.

So right now, this very moment, there are zero sleeps between me and my someday bride, zero sleeps before I get to see her smiling face when I walk in OUR door, Zero sleeps before I can get to spend the evening talking to her face and not Facetime, Zero sleeps before I get to sleep next to my best friend.

IMG_2752

 

“So how did you two meet?”

Posted on by lwsteinbach

A very common question asked of couples. whether at a dinner party full of coworkers, sitting at a bar for happy hour with a bunch of randos, this is a story each couple needs to have down pat. Often times the couple will embellish or downplay certain elements. It is a story you will be telling for many years to come, and for me and Jayme, we have a great one. (also our story telling skills are bey0nd stellar so imagine as you read this that there is boisterous hand gestures and witty adlibbed moments)

I met the woman I was destined to marry at my place of employment. I was working as a dietitian and she was coming in as an intern with us here. I had weeks ago swore off the dating scene for the time being. I told myself that I was going to focus my career and the ill planned out half marathon I signed up for. When we got the word who our new intern was going to be I did what I always do, I googled her. I like to see where they went to school things about them and such. This girl though…. she was beyond beautiful, her smile, her eyes, that intense passion for life just shown through the few pictures I could see.

IMG_1957.PNG

Well in a few weeks we were introduced and it turned out her beauty in person was even better then what I remembered from her photos. We worked together for a few weeks and actually got to spend three days sharing an office while my coworker was out. We talked about everything under the sun, but music seemed to be a common tieback for us, we would battle youtube songs back and forth. We playfully bantered, but it had yet to cross over to flirtatious.

That weekend was Halloween and I had my eye on a girl who was at the same party as me, so Jayme, being the good “friend” wanted to hear more. She asked me all about it and was there to console me when it didn’t go as planned (hindsight, best thing that could have happened). I asked if she saw the pictures on facebook but very slyly said she had to friend me to see them. That moment opened us up for communication after work hours. We started feverishly messaging the next weekend when I was away deer hunting. Things picked up and it became more then just friendly.

I struggled with my feelings, how would this affect my job? does she even like me? it was difficult, but I knew that I wanted to talk to her whenever I could for as long as I could. The day before Veteran’s Day I asked her to go to happy hour with me. She obliged and we had what can only be described as the most natural impromptu first date. We talked, laughed, never had a down moment. This girl was it, I knew it for that day that she had my heart. There was no need looking elsewhere for anything better because the best was right in front of me. The “one drink” happy hour turned into a 4+ hour event. Neither of us wanted it to end.

Next week amidst plenty of messages Jayme asks me for coffee and we talk and discuss our predicament, the tension and feelings were strong for such a short amount of time together. the night ends with me telling her that while she is an intern with us we can’t date (that would mean three months of seeing each other everyday but not being together). Jayme agrees and we go out separate ways.

Later that night I get this text:

“If one day you wake up and it’s too much, I understand. But, for now, please just enjoy this with me. It’s so rare in this world to find someone you truly enjoy the company of. And, if that’s so wrong.. then maybe the world could use a little more of that.”

I complied and we started to plan how we would celebrate our first real world date together.

We settled on seeing A Christmas Carol at the Gutherie Theatre. Initially it was going to be on Friday but Jayme was “feeling 22” and wanted to go out with some girlfriends. So I thought it would be a good time to hit up my local watering hole as well with my roommate. Clearly our hearts were elsewhere that night however. Both of us continued texting the other baiting the other one into joining them where they were. After sending my roommate home (double jack cokes will do that to you). I asked her if I should come downtown with her. Thanks to her friend who it sent “yes”, I hopped in a cab and headed downtown.

I walked in with no nerves, I knew what I was going to do. I was there it kiss that girl and damnit it was going to happen right away. We talked for two minutes before I grabbed her and kissed her hard. It was the best kiss of my life, hands down, bar none. The night however was short lived since Jayme ended up in the bathroom feeling ill and I was directed to leave by some loyal and protective friends.

We kept our date to the Guthrie the next day, she came to my place and we drove to the theatre where we played the part of sophisticated adults. we sipped fancy drinks wore fancy clothes and enjoyed the show. (we even selected the same favorite actor name on the count of three, makes you kinda want to vomit everywhere due to cuteness overload right?) We spent that evening making dinner together, cuddling, and as I walked out to start her car that evening, I knew that girl was going to be my wife someday.IMG_1985

197 Miles

Posted on by lwsteinbach

One nine seven. That is the number of miles away I helped to relocate Jayme to this last weekend. She will be completing her internship a state away for the next 3 1/2 months. This is going to be a trying experience for us but also one we can use as an opportunity to grow closer as a couple.

This “last weekend” together started like all the others, in my car on the way back from my work and her internship. we talked, laughed, and made silly sounds between deep conversations. We met Jayme’s parents out for dinner and then proceeded to pack away her life for the early morning drive. That night we did our best to reassure each other that things were going to be fine and that our love is never-ending. It is sometimes hard to accept that this girl, has the feels so strongly for  a guy like me.

IMG_2597

The roads were clear, the weather good, and the unpacking went off without a hitch. After her parents left I busted out a bottle of Bubbly and we had a true new apartment experience and drank champagne as we unpacked her place. Later we sat around just chatting about whatever came up. Her inquisitive nature is one thing that I could never get tired of. Everything felt very first date-esque. We rounded out the night with walking to pick up a pizza and a few rental movies. a mundane way to spend the evening, but in all honesty, I have learned all I need is her next to me to make any night magical.

The next day was hard. over the last two weeks we spent as much time together as possible (and it was amazing, but come on she is the love of my life so how couldn’t it be). Now we were starting the next chapter. a chapter that is highlighted by the numbers 1, 9, 7. As we laid in bed after a nap and I prepared to leave I kept thinking how dumb this all was. I will see her each weekend, we will talk on the phone, text throughout the day, video chat, we will have constant communication thanks to dating in the digital age. But the one thing that cannot be connected though screens is the feeling of holding the woman you love in your arms as she drifts to sleep. So maybe those feelings of nervous detachment are not so strange after all.

As I drove off the sun was setting in my rearview mirror, I then imagined that same sunset and how different it will look when I am no longer taking this trip alone, when I am bringing back with me the most precious cargo in the shotgun seat next to me. That will be a sunset like no other.

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Side note: full disclosure there is a  Taco John’s near Jayme’s new place and I feel that my potato Ole intake is going to increase to dangerous levels, so watch my waistline grow along with my love over the next 4 months 🙂

And so it Begins.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

Blogs: a way for one person to communicate with the rest of the world. A medium to express all your thoughts and feelings and expose them to the ether of life and see what comes back.

I have wanted to write a blog for awhile, I have had plenty of different ideas; party antics, food, sports, ect. But most recently, I wanted to write a blog about my search for love. “searching For My Mrs.” was going to be the title. I was going to write about bad first dates, missed opportunities, terrible tinder experiences, the frustrations of the constant grind. It was going to be a tale of one mans journey to find love (it would have been epic I promise).

But none of those materialized, especially the last one. When I gave up on finding someone and was simply going to focus on me, I found her, I found my future Mrs. S.

Blogs are a way for one person to communicate with the rest of the world, that is to say, all blogs but this one. This blog is for one person, there is only one click I am waiting for, one page view that matters to me, the one from the inspiration for the title, Jayme. This blog will recount our lives together over the next year. High points, struggles, funny stories, and moments of love and real feelings. and these stories will all remain a secret from her, she will know nothing of this blog, the record I keep here will remain hidden and waiting for the day she says yes to the most important question someone can ask.

So this is my account of my journey through life with Jayme. For all the rest of you who want to read along and follow the story, you are welcome to the conversation, leave bits of wisdom, thoughts, kind remarks (and more then likely a few trolling comments, Thanks Obama). But remember that each word written is not for you, it is not for me, but it is for the amazing woman who stole my heart without warning and blew up my past ideas of happiness and love and replaced them with their truest version.