finding someone

4 Sleeps till forever.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

So I technically started this posted on Monday (I titled it at least) but am writing it on Tuesday. It sounds better with 4 so we stick with it. 🙂

This is it, the last Monday morning drive into work without my babe being on the other side. This is been a very long journey together, we have learned a lot and grown even closer as a couple. When I started this blog I knew that it was about my time with Jayme, how when the time was right, that I would propose to her and provide her with the gift of me forever (and some type of ring-like figure as well). I never thought that throughout this journey that I would be able to be loved and love so intensely. I know now that I am ready to make this official, but I think my babe needs a little more time to figure out what our engagement would look like. So We will continue this journey no longer in two separate locations, but together, under the same roof, with the same bed, and behind the same door.

Sunday’s have been tough, even when we are together we know our time is short and it is like a cloud hanging over us. But this Sunday will be something magical, because even though I have to go in work, I know my babe will be at our home.   We have always been in a state of transition, stability has not been a luxury we have been afforded, but that all changes in 4 sleeps.  The tender love of the same woman who saved a baby bunny this weekend, will be with me from this day forward.

So even though I haven’t found a job closer to home, or Jayme doesn’t have one at all, or the fact that we are massively in debt, we have the one most absolutely pivotal piece to happiness. Real, genuine, unfiltered, love on the rocks. Its not dolled up or diluted by selfishness and jealousy, It is pure and simple. It is ours to enjoy and hold sacred. We might have plenty of other problems to solve, but in 4 sleeps… we have forever to figure it out.

The left: The sun setting on my first time leaving Jayme

The Right: The Sun rising on my last time leaving the love of my life.

She is out of my league

Posted on by lwsteinbach

I was looking for some inspiration on a rainy day, then this song came on my playlist and the hairs stood up on my arms and chills ran down my back, now this is something I can relate to. Don’t believe me? I can prove it. Below are the lyrics, broken down with reference to my bride-to-be.

it’s her hair and her eyes todayIMG_1957
that just simply take me away

 

I get lost in more then just her eyes and hair, but it always is the piercing honesty and love in her eyes along with the playful way her hair falls that draw me in and renders me utterly speechless. Before we even met I saw this picture of our future intern who would become the love of my life. It took my breath away then, and still does today.

and the feeling that i’m falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good wayIMG_2134.PNG

Remember when I said that this song made my hair stand up and shivers down my back? well that is because this woman, Jayme, sometimes feels too good to be real. Like putting my needs before hers, always thinking the most of me, and never allowing anger or jealousy to control our relationship. I get moments that I don’t believe to be real, they shake me at my core, but in a good way.

all the times I have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hairIMG_2252.PNG

Jayme is purposeful, whether she is getting ready to look her best, talk with a friend, work on a project, she always does so with intent. I am always in awe of her level of thoughtfulness with her life. I love her ability to care and “give fucks” about the dumb concerns I have. She always cares. I not only metaphorically stare, I actually stare because she is simply stunning and I cannot take my eyes off of her. I am addicted to her love and look.

and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to sayIMG_2120.PNG

Playfulness, humor, goofiness are all some of the basic building blocks of our relationship and also who Jayme is as a person. Whether we are talking about her smelly farts (okay fine my smelly farts) tickle/not tickling “I just want to rest my hand in your arm pit, I won’t move it”<—(that is real BTW), or having fake phone conversations with “babes-r-us” We always being completely ourselves together. and on a different level, the simplicity of this leaves me stunned, how what truly brings happiness are those moments where she makes a goofy face, or a joke, and is my best friend and not just my girlfriend.

cause I love her with all that I am
and my voice shakes along with my handsIMG_2041.PNG

So I want to preface this with, I never get nervous to present, talk, discuss, or in the past, flirt. I am smooth and great with words (make a spelling or grammar joke right now, I dare you) but Jayme doesn’t allow me that luxury. Of course I am able to be me around her and we are completely in love, but the first time I really felt that I might not be doing enough was when I was courting her. She was so beyond what I thought existed in this world, that I finally understood what it meant to be humbled in the art of communication.

cause she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and I’m out of my league once againIMG_1985

 ^that, exactly what is said in the song, word for word. I went from living in the basement of a friend, with no real possessions (old bed, tv, and dresser lent from family), no direction, but that all changed on the day that I got to hold her hand, look into her eyes, and call her “mine”.

 

it’s a masterful melody when she calls out my name to meIMG_2111

 

The sweetest sound in the world is my name rolling off her lips, whether it is my real name (Luke) one of the many nicknames she has given me (Max, Mr. Mcdougall, Lucas, Pukas, Kitten) or simply “Babe”. Whichever one she chooses matters not to me, I could listen to that for the rest of my life, and I intend to make it so.

as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and I feel like I’m falling but it’s no surpriseIMG_2835

Jayme takes things as they come, never really appearing overwhelmed by what is
ahead of her. (unless it relates to having no sweets in the house, then shit gets real). But she has such a pragmatic way of dealing with problems and issues. She shakes them off and lets the negativity shed from her life and she accentuates the beauty and positivism. I want to emulate her in this respect, She has me falling for her even when she is simply being herself and that is an irreplaceable feeling .

coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands

see above

cause it’s frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i’d rather be here than on land12642787_10100262883222645_6001755073780260020_n

The dive into love and relationship is a big one.
Most people tend to dip their toes in, always keeping a guard of some-kind up so when/if it ends, the pain won’t be so bad. This might be true, but they are never able to feel the most intense levels of love. Both me and Jayme have done the opposite, we took off all that protects us and have jumped head first into the sea of togetherness, no life-vest, no raft, just each other. Finding a partner who is willing to take that leap with me has lead me to the most amazing adventure of my life.

 

 

And from there it repeats, but the song has such a strong meaning to me, such an honesty that evokes all aspects of Jayme and mine’s relationship that whenever I hear this song in the future it will stop me in my tracks and remind me that not only have a found the love of my life, best friend, and future wife, but I have found something so incredibly special, that few get to truly understand, I need to protect and foster that, because as the song says, “yes she’s all that i see and she’s all that i need and i’m out of my league once again.”

 

 

 

197 Miles

Posted on by lwsteinbach

One nine seven. That is the number of miles away I helped to relocate Jayme to this last weekend. She will be completing her internship a state away for the next 3 1/2 months. This is going to be a trying experience for us but also one we can use as an opportunity to grow closer as a couple.

This “last weekend” together started like all the others, in my car on the way back from my work and her internship. we talked, laughed, and made silly sounds between deep conversations. We met Jayme’s parents out for dinner and then proceeded to pack away her life for the early morning drive. That night we did our best to reassure each other that things were going to be fine and that our love is never-ending. It is sometimes hard to accept that this girl, has the feels so strongly for  a guy like me.

IMG_2597

The roads were clear, the weather good, and the unpacking went off without a hitch. After her parents left I busted out a bottle of Bubbly and we had a true new apartment experience and drank champagne as we unpacked her place. Later we sat around just chatting about whatever came up. Her inquisitive nature is one thing that I could never get tired of. Everything felt very first date-esque. We rounded out the night with walking to pick up a pizza and a few rental movies. a mundane way to spend the evening, but in all honesty, I have learned all I need is her next to me to make any night magical.

The next day was hard. over the last two weeks we spent as much time together as possible (and it was amazing, but come on she is the love of my life so how couldn’t it be). Now we were starting the next chapter. a chapter that is highlighted by the numbers 1, 9, 7. As we laid in bed after a nap and I prepared to leave I kept thinking how dumb this all was. I will see her each weekend, we will talk on the phone, text throughout the day, video chat, we will have constant communication thanks to dating in the digital age. But the one thing that cannot be connected though screens is the feeling of holding the woman you love in your arms as she drifts to sleep. So maybe those feelings of nervous detachment are not so strange after all.

As I drove off the sun was setting in my rearview mirror, I then imagined that same sunset and how different it will look when I am no longer taking this trip alone, when I am bringing back with me the most precious cargo in the shotgun seat next to me. That will be a sunset like no other.

untitled

Side note: full disclosure there is a  Taco John’s near Jayme’s new place and I feel that my potato Ole intake is going to increase to dangerous levels, so watch my waistline grow along with my love over the next 4 months 🙂

And so it Begins.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

Blogs: a way for one person to communicate with the rest of the world. A medium to express all your thoughts and feelings and expose them to the ether of life and see what comes back.

I have wanted to write a blog for awhile, I have had plenty of different ideas; party antics, food, sports, ect. But most recently, I wanted to write a blog about my search for love. “searching For My Mrs.” was going to be the title. I was going to write about bad first dates, missed opportunities, terrible tinder experiences, the frustrations of the constant grind. It was going to be a tale of one mans journey to find love (it would have been epic I promise).

But none of those materialized, especially the last one. When I gave up on finding someone and was simply going to focus on me, I found her, I found my future Mrs. S.

Blogs are a way for one person to communicate with the rest of the world, that is to say, all blogs but this one. This blog is for one person, there is only one click I am waiting for, one page view that matters to me, the one from the inspiration for the title, Jayme. This blog will recount our lives together over the next year. High points, struggles, funny stories, and moments of love and real feelings. and these stories will all remain a secret from her, she will know nothing of this blog, the record I keep here will remain hidden and waiting for the day she says yes to the most important question someone can ask.

So this is my account of my journey through life with Jayme. For all the rest of you who want to read along and follow the story, you are welcome to the conversation, leave bits of wisdom, thoughts, kind remarks (and more then likely a few trolling comments, Thanks Obama). But remember that each word written is not for you, it is not for me, but it is for the amazing woman who stole my heart without warning and blew up my past ideas of happiness and love and replaced them with their truest version.