distance

4 Sleeps till forever.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

So I technically started this posted on Monday (I titled it at least) but am writing it on Tuesday. It sounds better with 4 so we stick with it. 🙂

This is it, the last Monday morning drive into work without my babe being on the other side. This is been a very long journey together, we have learned a lot and grown even closer as a couple. When I started this blog I knew that it was about my time with Jayme, how when the time was right, that I would propose to her and provide her with the gift of me forever (and some type of ring-like figure as well). I never thought that throughout this journey that I would be able to be loved and love so intensely. I know now that I am ready to make this official, but I think my babe needs a little more time to figure out what our engagement would look like. So We will continue this journey no longer in two separate locations, but together, under the same roof, with the same bed, and behind the same door.

Sunday’s have been tough, even when we are together we know our time is short and it is like a cloud hanging over us. But this Sunday will be something magical, because even though I have to go in work, I know my babe will be at our home.   We have always been in a state of transition, stability has not been a luxury we have been afforded, but that all changes in 4 sleeps.  The tender love of the same woman who saved a baby bunny this weekend, will be with me from this day forward.

So even though I haven’t found a job closer to home, or Jayme doesn’t have one at all, or the fact that we are massively in debt, we have the one most absolutely pivotal piece to happiness. Real, genuine, unfiltered, love on the rocks. Its not dolled up or diluted by selfishness and jealousy, It is pure and simple. It is ours to enjoy and hold sacred. We might have plenty of other problems to solve, but in 4 sleeps… we have forever to figure it out.

The left: The sun setting on my first time leaving Jayme

The Right: The Sun rising on my last time leaving the love of my life.

Next to me.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

So time apart is hard, this internship of Jayme’s is killer for us. I have posted several pictures of FaceTime screenshots and talked about 197 mile drive between us. But it is Easter break and Jayme is in our bed, in our home, where she belongs, and it feels amazing. I awoke today feeling more rested then ever. With energy I left this morning leaving the stove on (which she turned off) and in such a great mood, because I knew after the day was done I would be coming back home to my love.
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Jayme was going to take her day off and help her sister with a little cleaning, run some errands, and take care of a few appointments, which would mean she wouldn’t be around to message ALL DAY with me, a fact I forgot when I got to work and wrote the below message.
“So I pulled up FB today out of habit, and started typing you a message then remember you are not sitting at a computer patiently waiting for your babe, but since I had it open already maybe you deserve a little maple in your morning, so here it goes. I love you Jayme, I love you in a completely cheesy romantic comedy movie kind of way. the way that you see people fawning over and desiring in their lives. I love you so uncontrollably that I find myself wanting to burst into conversation with strangers about how happy I am and how great my girlfriend is. I love you so personally that no one in the world will be able to understand the depth of that love expect me and you. I love you so fiercely that I am willing to expound all that I have to bring you the smallest of joys. I love you so wholly that every bit of you, even the things you don’t particularly like, those things make you, you and something that I love without end. But above all that I love you so absolutely, which is why I know I want you to be with me forever, by my side, through the hard times, the goofy times, the fun times, the stressful times, all the times.“
I still sent it to her (I mean how couldn’t I, it was pretty great) but what I enjoyed the most about writing it was knowing that all of those things I feel for her, she feels back for me. Jayme, thank you for the gift of your love, you overwhelm me with it.

Lose yourself, find us

Posted on by lwsteinbach

If you had

One shot

or one opportunity

to seize everything you ever wanted

would you capture it?

Or just let it slip?

This are lines from a song that me  and Jayme bonded to early on in our life together. We would drive in the car and just rap our little hearts out. We have gotten really good at it, I mean like epically good. so good we recorded our own version driving to my mom’s house. Check out the video here!

But one thing I have been thinking about recently it the idea of losing yourself to find us. The concept that, to become a couple means the single you needs to change. I don’t mean in a codependent sense, but to be so completely intertwined in each others life, that your identity is tangled up in the other person. vines
I realize this idea sounds constricting, binding, almost weight-bearing, but when that person you are bound to is the love of your life, that feeling is comforting and strengthening. Much like two vines that lean on each other for support. alone they would wilt and fall, but together, they are able to draw on each other in the good times and the bad.

While it hasn’t been easy, me and Jayme have become an us, and nothing could make me happier. sure it results in sacrifice and change, (RIP farting in bed) but the juice has definitely been worth the squeeze.

There is a saying, that someone who gives up freedom for security deserves neither, but in my mind someone willing to give up themselves to find us, deserves both.

zero sleeps

Posted on by lwsteinbach

My new favorite unit of measurement is sleeps. This is how I measure the time before I get to see that lovely woman known as Jayme. Sure technology has allowed us to stay in touch with FaceTime, texting, Snapchat, ect, but nothing can beat the feelings of having her in my arms at night. I look forward so much to the simple pleasure of having her by my side while we talk. Holding her hand in the car, going shopping together, it doesn’t matter what it is, it is infinitely better when she is able to be by my side.

This whole long distance thing is not easy and we have found out after three weeks that it is the nights that are the hardest. When you just want to be alone together. That is why “sleeps” have become such a cool thing. It helps remind me that I only have to lay my head down on that pillow X more times before it is no longer there alone.

Every day Jayme becomes more and more a fixture in my life, and last night she confirmed that I am in hers as well. While we might have several more weeks to go of her being 197 miles away, she has decided that the first thing she will do after her internship is to make my place, our place. Now this is something I have already been feeling, but to hear her confirm that she feels the same it is utterly euphoric.

So right now, this very moment, there are zero sleeps between me and my someday bride, zero sleeps before I get to see her smiling face when I walk in OUR door, Zero sleeps before I can get to spend the evening talking to her face and not Facetime, Zero sleeps before I get to sleep next to my best friend.

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“So how did you two meet?”

Posted on by lwsteinbach

A very common question asked of couples. whether at a dinner party full of coworkers, sitting at a bar for happy hour with a bunch of randos, this is a story each couple needs to have down pat. Often times the couple will embellish or downplay certain elements. It is a story you will be telling for many years to come, and for me and Jayme, we have a great one. (also our story telling skills are bey0nd stellar so imagine as you read this that there is boisterous hand gestures and witty adlibbed moments)

I met the woman I was destined to marry at my place of employment. I was working as a dietitian and she was coming in as an intern with us here. I had weeks ago swore off the dating scene for the time being. I told myself that I was going to focus my career and the ill planned out half marathon I signed up for. When we got the word who our new intern was going to be I did what I always do, I googled her. I like to see where they went to school things about them and such. This girl though…. she was beyond beautiful, her smile, her eyes, that intense passion for life just shown through the few pictures I could see.

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Well in a few weeks we were introduced and it turned out her beauty in person was even better then what I remembered from her photos. We worked together for a few weeks and actually got to spend three days sharing an office while my coworker was out. We talked about everything under the sun, but music seemed to be a common tieback for us, we would battle youtube songs back and forth. We playfully bantered, but it had yet to cross over to flirtatious.

That weekend was Halloween and I had my eye on a girl who was at the same party as me, so Jayme, being the good “friend” wanted to hear more. She asked me all about it and was there to console me when it didn’t go as planned (hindsight, best thing that could have happened). I asked if she saw the pictures on facebook but very slyly said she had to friend me to see them. That moment opened us up for communication after work hours. We started feverishly messaging the next weekend when I was away deer hunting. Things picked up and it became more then just friendly.

I struggled with my feelings, how would this affect my job? does she even like me? it was difficult, but I knew that I wanted to talk to her whenever I could for as long as I could. The day before Veteran’s Day I asked her to go to happy hour with me. She obliged and we had what can only be described as the most natural impromptu first date. We talked, laughed, never had a down moment. This girl was it, I knew it for that day that she had my heart. There was no need looking elsewhere for anything better because the best was right in front of me. The “one drink” happy hour turned into a 4+ hour event. Neither of us wanted it to end.

Next week amidst plenty of messages Jayme asks me for coffee and we talk and discuss our predicament, the tension and feelings were strong for such a short amount of time together. the night ends with me telling her that while she is an intern with us we can’t date (that would mean three months of seeing each other everyday but not being together). Jayme agrees and we go out separate ways.

Later that night I get this text:

“If one day you wake up and it’s too much, I understand. But, for now, please just enjoy this with me. It’s so rare in this world to find someone you truly enjoy the company of. And, if that’s so wrong.. then maybe the world could use a little more of that.”

I complied and we started to plan how we would celebrate our first real world date together.

We settled on seeing A Christmas Carol at the Gutherie Theatre. Initially it was going to be on Friday but Jayme was “feeling 22” and wanted to go out with some girlfriends. So I thought it would be a good time to hit up my local watering hole as well with my roommate. Clearly our hearts were elsewhere that night however. Both of us continued texting the other baiting the other one into joining them where they were. After sending my roommate home (double jack cokes will do that to you). I asked her if I should come downtown with her. Thanks to her friend who it sent “yes”, I hopped in a cab and headed downtown.

I walked in with no nerves, I knew what I was going to do. I was there it kiss that girl and damnit it was going to happen right away. We talked for two minutes before I grabbed her and kissed her hard. It was the best kiss of my life, hands down, bar none. The night however was short lived since Jayme ended up in the bathroom feeling ill and I was directed to leave by some loyal and protective friends.

We kept our date to the Guthrie the next day, she came to my place and we drove to the theatre where we played the part of sophisticated adults. we sipped fancy drinks wore fancy clothes and enjoyed the show. (we even selected the same favorite actor name on the count of three, makes you kinda want to vomit everywhere due to cuteness overload right?) We spent that evening making dinner together, cuddling, and as I walked out to start her car that evening, I knew that girl was going to be my wife someday.IMG_1985

197 Miles

Posted on by lwsteinbach

One nine seven. That is the number of miles away I helped to relocate Jayme to this last weekend. She will be completing her internship a state away for the next 3 1/2 months. This is going to be a trying experience for us but also one we can use as an opportunity to grow closer as a couple.

This “last weekend” together started like all the others, in my car on the way back from my work and her internship. we talked, laughed, and made silly sounds between deep conversations. We met Jayme’s parents out for dinner and then proceeded to pack away her life for the early morning drive. That night we did our best to reassure each other that things were going to be fine and that our love is never-ending. It is sometimes hard to accept that this girl, has the feels so strongly for  a guy like me.

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The roads were clear, the weather good, and the unpacking went off without a hitch. After her parents left I busted out a bottle of Bubbly and we had a true new apartment experience and drank champagne as we unpacked her place. Later we sat around just chatting about whatever came up. Her inquisitive nature is one thing that I could never get tired of. Everything felt very first date-esque. We rounded out the night with walking to pick up a pizza and a few rental movies. a mundane way to spend the evening, but in all honesty, I have learned all I need is her next to me to make any night magical.

The next day was hard. over the last two weeks we spent as much time together as possible (and it was amazing, but come on she is the love of my life so how couldn’t it be). Now we were starting the next chapter. a chapter that is highlighted by the numbers 1, 9, 7. As we laid in bed after a nap and I prepared to leave I kept thinking how dumb this all was. I will see her each weekend, we will talk on the phone, text throughout the day, video chat, we will have constant communication thanks to dating in the digital age. But the one thing that cannot be connected though screens is the feeling of holding the woman you love in your arms as she drifts to sleep. So maybe those feelings of nervous detachment are not so strange after all.

As I drove off the sun was setting in my rearview mirror, I then imagined that same sunset and how different it will look when I am no longer taking this trip alone, when I am bringing back with me the most precious cargo in the shotgun seat next to me. That will be a sunset like no other.

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Side note: full disclosure there is a  Taco John’s near Jayme’s new place and I feel that my potato Ole intake is going to increase to dangerous levels, so watch my waistline grow along with my love over the next 4 months 🙂