Next to me.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

So time apart is hard, this internship of Jayme’s is killer for us. I have posted several pictures of FaceTime screenshots and talked about 197 mile drive between us. But it is Easter break and Jayme is in our bed, in our home, where she belongs, and it feels amazing. I awoke today feeling more rested then ever. With energy I left this morning leaving the stove on (which she turned off) and in such a great mood, because I knew after the day was done I would be coming back home to my love.
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Jayme was going to take her day off and help her sister with a little cleaning, run some errands, and take care of a few appointments, which would mean she wouldn’t be around to message ALL DAY with me, a fact I forgot when I got to work and wrote the below message.
“So I pulled up FB today out of habit, and started typing you a message then remember you are not sitting at a computer patiently waiting for your babe, but since I had it open already maybe you deserve a little maple in your morning, so here it goes. I love you Jayme, I love you in a completely cheesy romantic comedy movie kind of way. the way that you see people fawning over and desiring in their lives. I love you so uncontrollably that I find myself wanting to burst into conversation with strangers about how happy I am and how great my girlfriend is. I love you so personally that no one in the world will be able to understand the depth of that love expect me and you. I love you so fiercely that I am willing to expound all that I have to bring you the smallest of joys. I love you so wholly that every bit of you, even the things you don’t particularly like, those things make you, you and something that I love without end. But above all that I love you so absolutely, which is why I know I want you to be with me forever, by my side, through the hard times, the goofy times, the fun times, the stressful times, all the times.“
I still sent it to her (I mean how couldn’t I, it was pretty great) but what I enjoyed the most about writing it was knowing that all of those things I feel for her, she feels back for me. Jayme, thank you for the gift of your love, you overwhelm me with it.

Sunday Morning Pancakes

Posted on by lwsteinbach

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This isn’t about an actual occurrence, but more so about traditions. Me and Jayme love talking about our future together, it is one of our favorite topics. We day dream about a lot of things, a wedding, trips together, buying and remodeling a house, raising a family, all things that are off in the distance. One things that always seems to be present in all of the different topics we discuss is the idea and value in establishing something firm, absolute, and unique (oh and dogs, she keeps saying the more I say no the greater the number of dogs gets, sorry back to topic).

The idea of having traditions for us is a way to connect the past and the present with the future. A way to making sure that what is important, remains and endures no matter what. We each have traditions independent of eachother right now, but as we grow together, we become intertwined. But we also want to establish our own, things that are special to us. At this point you might be thinking that I am going to say we are wanting to have pancakes every Sunday morning as a family, no matter what, and you would be half right. Yes that sounds great, a special breakfast lounging in robes, watch cartoons, having coffee, enjoying laughs and our 7 dogs, but it is more about that idea of having something that makes sure we stay grounded in each other and the love we have. Tradition is not meant to be laborious or a challenge, it should be effortless and liberating, something you can always count on to be there for you. Jayme to me is that in a person, but we want to establish that together in events, locations, acts.

I am excited to see the day Jayme finally sees this post. Maybe by this time we will have established a new tradition, maybe we will be eating pancakes every Sunday together. But until then, our tradition of talking about traditions will have to do 🙂

Photos from last week/weekend, your general cuteness snaps and an obligatory team photo at my Sister-in-law’s birthday. We so cute 🙂 that girl is the love of my life.

 

 

FARtoGO

Posted on by lwsteinbach

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Before I start with some really cute and romantic stuff… lets be honest, that is one sick title for a blog post…. okay done basking in my great play on words, lets get to the business of  L O V E.

Another week apart completed, it was capped off with an amazing weekend with no plans that resulted in an amazing time together. we were able to explore the city of Fargo (do you get it now) during the St. Patrick’s day festivities. Pub crawl in college bars, a fancy distillery, dodging through a parade, and an impromptu stay in a hotel all were in line.  But that isn’t the real story behind this weekend, no the real story is what was underneath that all.

When you love someone, I mean really love someone, in a visceral sense, you will go anywhere with them and feel right at home. So whether we were sitting in a booth, walking on the street, grabbing a hot-n-ready, I always felt that I was home in a city I had never been to. I learned that my home is mobile and I couldn’t be happier.

With hangovers in hand, we headed home and cuddled the Sunday away watching movies and talking about a future together. Sunday lead to Monday and another 5:30 am departure time to arrive to work on time, and a long day there I was ready to be home in my big comfy bed. the only problem? my bed and home are two different places, so I opted for another 197 mile trip for two more hours at home, instead of the bed.

 

 

Lose yourself, find us

Posted on by lwsteinbach

If you had

One shot

or one opportunity

to seize everything you ever wanted

would you capture it?

Or just let it slip?

This are lines from a song that me  and Jayme bonded to early on in our life together. We would drive in the car and just rap our little hearts out. We have gotten really good at it, I mean like epically good. so good we recorded our own version driving to my mom’s house. Check out the video here!

But one thing I have been thinking about recently it the idea of losing yourself to find us. The concept that, to become a couple means the single you needs to change. I don’t mean in a codependent sense, but to be so completely intertwined in each others life, that your identity is tangled up in the other person. vines
I realize this idea sounds constricting, binding, almost weight-bearing, but when that person you are bound to is the love of your life, that feeling is comforting and strengthening. Much like two vines that lean on each other for support. alone they would wilt and fall, but together, they are able to draw on each other in the good times and the bad.

While it hasn’t been easy, me and Jayme have become an us, and nothing could make me happier. sure it results in sacrifice and change, (RIP farting in bed) but the juice has definitely been worth the squeeze.

There is a saying, that someone who gives up freedom for security deserves neither, but in my mind someone willing to give up themselves to find us, deserves both.

Music in the Key of We.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

Music is a universal thing that can convey emotions and invoke feelings that we didn’t know were there. This is true for me about Jayme. Sometimes there are songs that come on the radio, or over Spotify that hit me so strongly in the right moment that each note hits with such a weight that tears a squeezed from my eyes involuntarily. The waves of feelingss pulse through me and I need to express or pass those feelings on to Jayme. But today I decided to  save this one for the blog.

Driving to work today I kept thinking about the future (a common occurrence) and wondering what it will look like in actuality. I was struggling and then in an instant all of it cleared up with this song.

Break on me, even if the words are meant for something different for you, drew a picture in my head of Jayme standing in a country kitchen, something on the stove she was making, holding our first child in her arms, calmly controlling the world around her. She was so full of grace, strength, and beauty. It brought me such indescribably joy, to see my current amazing girlfriend as the future mother of my children.

Now I can add this song to a long list of ones that have more then a surface meaning. I am grateful for this ever expanding index of love inducing songs. I cannot wait to discover the next one.

zero sleeps

Posted on by lwsteinbach

My new favorite unit of measurement is sleeps. This is how I measure the time before I get to see that lovely woman known as Jayme. Sure technology has allowed us to stay in touch with FaceTime, texting, Snapchat, ect, but nothing can beat the feelings of having her in my arms at night. I look forward so much to the simple pleasure of having her by my side while we talk. Holding her hand in the car, going shopping together, it doesn’t matter what it is, it is infinitely better when she is able to be by my side.

This whole long distance thing is not easy and we have found out after three weeks that it is the nights that are the hardest. When you just want to be alone together. That is why “sleeps” have become such a cool thing. It helps remind me that I only have to lay my head down on that pillow X more times before it is no longer there alone.

Every day Jayme becomes more and more a fixture in my life, and last night she confirmed that I am in hers as well. While we might have several more weeks to go of her being 197 miles away, she has decided that the first thing she will do after her internship is to make my place, our place. Now this is something I have already been feeling, but to hear her confirm that she feels the same it is utterly euphoric.

So right now, this very moment, there are zero sleeps between me and my someday bride, zero sleeps before I get to see her smiling face when I walk in OUR door, Zero sleeps before I can get to spend the evening talking to her face and not Facetime, Zero sleeps before I get to sleep next to my best friend.

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“So how did you two meet?”

Posted on by lwsteinbach

A very common question asked of couples. whether at a dinner party full of coworkers, sitting at a bar for happy hour with a bunch of randos, this is a story each couple needs to have down pat. Often times the couple will embellish or downplay certain elements. It is a story you will be telling for many years to come, and for me and Jayme, we have a great one. (also our story telling skills are bey0nd stellar so imagine as you read this that there is boisterous hand gestures and witty adlibbed moments)

I met the woman I was destined to marry at my place of employment. I was working as a dietitian and she was coming in as an intern with us here. I had weeks ago swore off the dating scene for the time being. I told myself that I was going to focus my career and the ill planned out half marathon I signed up for. When we got the word who our new intern was going to be I did what I always do, I googled her. I like to see where they went to school things about them and such. This girl though…. she was beyond beautiful, her smile, her eyes, that intense passion for life just shown through the few pictures I could see.

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Well in a few weeks we were introduced and it turned out her beauty in person was even better then what I remembered from her photos. We worked together for a few weeks and actually got to spend three days sharing an office while my coworker was out. We talked about everything under the sun, but music seemed to be a common tieback for us, we would battle youtube songs back and forth. We playfully bantered, but it had yet to cross over to flirtatious.

That weekend was Halloween and I had my eye on a girl who was at the same party as me, so Jayme, being the good “friend” wanted to hear more. She asked me all about it and was there to console me when it didn’t go as planned (hindsight, best thing that could have happened). I asked if she saw the pictures on facebook but very slyly said she had to friend me to see them. That moment opened us up for communication after work hours. We started feverishly messaging the next weekend when I was away deer hunting. Things picked up and it became more then just friendly.

I struggled with my feelings, how would this affect my job? does she even like me? it was difficult, but I knew that I wanted to talk to her whenever I could for as long as I could. The day before Veteran’s Day I asked her to go to happy hour with me. She obliged and we had what can only be described as the most natural impromptu first date. We talked, laughed, never had a down moment. This girl was it, I knew it for that day that she had my heart. There was no need looking elsewhere for anything better because the best was right in front of me. The “one drink” happy hour turned into a 4+ hour event. Neither of us wanted it to end.

Next week amidst plenty of messages Jayme asks me for coffee and we talk and discuss our predicament, the tension and feelings were strong for such a short amount of time together. the night ends with me telling her that while she is an intern with us we can’t date (that would mean three months of seeing each other everyday but not being together). Jayme agrees and we go out separate ways.

Later that night I get this text:

“If one day you wake up and it’s too much, I understand. But, for now, please just enjoy this with me. It’s so rare in this world to find someone you truly enjoy the company of. And, if that’s so wrong.. then maybe the world could use a little more of that.”

I complied and we started to plan how we would celebrate our first real world date together.

We settled on seeing A Christmas Carol at the Gutherie Theatre. Initially it was going to be on Friday but Jayme was “feeling 22” and wanted to go out with some girlfriends. So I thought it would be a good time to hit up my local watering hole as well with my roommate. Clearly our hearts were elsewhere that night however. Both of us continued texting the other baiting the other one into joining them where they were. After sending my roommate home (double jack cokes will do that to you). I asked her if I should come downtown with her. Thanks to her friend who it sent “yes”, I hopped in a cab and headed downtown.

I walked in with no nerves, I knew what I was going to do. I was there it kiss that girl and damnit it was going to happen right away. We talked for two minutes before I grabbed her and kissed her hard. It was the best kiss of my life, hands down, bar none. The night however was short lived since Jayme ended up in the bathroom feeling ill and I was directed to leave by some loyal and protective friends.

We kept our date to the Guthrie the next day, she came to my place and we drove to the theatre where we played the part of sophisticated adults. we sipped fancy drinks wore fancy clothes and enjoyed the show. (we even selected the same favorite actor name on the count of three, makes you kinda want to vomit everywhere due to cuteness overload right?) We spent that evening making dinner together, cuddling, and as I walked out to start her car that evening, I knew that girl was going to be my wife someday.IMG_1985

197 Miles

Posted on by lwsteinbach

One nine seven. That is the number of miles away I helped to relocate Jayme to this last weekend. She will be completing her internship a state away for the next 3 1/2 months. This is going to be a trying experience for us but also one we can use as an opportunity to grow closer as a couple.

This “last weekend” together started like all the others, in my car on the way back from my work and her internship. we talked, laughed, and made silly sounds between deep conversations. We met Jayme’s parents out for dinner and then proceeded to pack away her life for the early morning drive. That night we did our best to reassure each other that things were going to be fine and that our love is never-ending. It is sometimes hard to accept that this girl, has the feels so strongly for  a guy like me.

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The roads were clear, the weather good, and the unpacking went off without a hitch. After her parents left I busted out a bottle of Bubbly and we had a true new apartment experience and drank champagne as we unpacked her place. Later we sat around just chatting about whatever came up. Her inquisitive nature is one thing that I could never get tired of. Everything felt very first date-esque. We rounded out the night with walking to pick up a pizza and a few rental movies. a mundane way to spend the evening, but in all honesty, I have learned all I need is her next to me to make any night magical.

The next day was hard. over the last two weeks we spent as much time together as possible (and it was amazing, but come on she is the love of my life so how couldn’t it be). Now we were starting the next chapter. a chapter that is highlighted by the numbers 1, 9, 7. As we laid in bed after a nap and I prepared to leave I kept thinking how dumb this all was. I will see her each weekend, we will talk on the phone, text throughout the day, video chat, we will have constant communication thanks to dating in the digital age. But the one thing that cannot be connected though screens is the feeling of holding the woman you love in your arms as she drifts to sleep. So maybe those feelings of nervous detachment are not so strange after all.

As I drove off the sun was setting in my rearview mirror, I then imagined that same sunset and how different it will look when I am no longer taking this trip alone, when I am bringing back with me the most precious cargo in the shotgun seat next to me. That will be a sunset like no other.

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Side note: full disclosure there is a  Taco John’s near Jayme’s new place and I feel that my potato Ole intake is going to increase to dangerous levels, so watch my waistline grow along with my love over the next 4 months 🙂

And so it Begins.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

Blogs: a way for one person to communicate with the rest of the world. A medium to express all your thoughts and feelings and expose them to the ether of life and see what comes back.

I have wanted to write a blog for awhile, I have had plenty of different ideas; party antics, food, sports, ect. But most recently, I wanted to write a blog about my search for love. “searching For My Mrs.” was going to be the title. I was going to write about bad first dates, missed opportunities, terrible tinder experiences, the frustrations of the constant grind. It was going to be a tale of one mans journey to find love (it would have been epic I promise).

But none of those materialized, especially the last one. When I gave up on finding someone and was simply going to focus on me, I found her, I found my future Mrs. S.

Blogs are a way for one person to communicate with the rest of the world, that is to say, all blogs but this one. This blog is for one person, there is only one click I am waiting for, one page view that matters to me, the one from the inspiration for the title, Jayme. This blog will recount our lives together over the next year. High points, struggles, funny stories, and moments of love and real feelings. and these stories will all remain a secret from her, she will know nothing of this blog, the record I keep here will remain hidden and waiting for the day she says yes to the most important question someone can ask.

So this is my account of my journey through life with Jayme. For all the rest of you who want to read along and follow the story, you are welcome to the conversation, leave bits of wisdom, thoughts, kind remarks (and more then likely a few trolling comments, Thanks Obama). But remember that each word written is not for you, it is not for me, but it is for the amazing woman who stole my heart without warning and blew up my past ideas of happiness and love and replaced them with their truest version.