journeywithjayme

She passed!!! This last weekend my babe took her RD test to town! She is now a Registered Dietitian and ready to take the world by storm. We celebrated with an evening full of laughter, drinks, good food, and amazing conversation. There is something special about having a woman who is so successful. She is more then just a pretty face (which she also has) but she is beyond smart and determined to be her best each and everyday. I love that about her. Not only does she show that kind of dedication to her future work and schooling, but she does it for our relationship as well. she sees us as something that requires effort and work. Not because we are in a rough patch or that we fight or disagree, but because we both want more then just a relationship, we want to have something special, Something that shows the world that love can be unbreakable. So we stay the course, commit to each other, our whole selves, and live for each other no matter what.

Along with those happy emotions we were also struck with sadness after finding out about the shooting in Orlando and the emergency illness of Jayme’s cousin. as the world mourns the loss of so many due to senseless violence we sat last night in an ICU waiting room just baffled by the tragic news of the boy who was fine one day and on a ventilator the next. Things are stable right now with him and we are praying for his continued improvement and the sanity and comfort of his family. It is events like this that make us reevaluate the important things in life and it also brings our mortality to the forefront. This could happen to anyone, or even worse at anytime. I could lose the love of my life before she even gets a chance to know about my plans for our engagement, the seriousness of our love and the intensity to which I cherish her. Losing Jayme would feel like the deepest pain and a path I do not want to go down, but just remembering that the possibility of it being real makes my stomach sink.

Nothing in life is forever and we all will die someday, but for today and every day that follows I will make sure that Jayme is at the center of my mind, my body, and my heart. For she is what provides meaning to existence, light to the day and hope for the future.

It has been a crazy week, with Jayme moving in and vacation I have not gotten a chance to write about my love. Over that time I gained further reasoning and understanding to want to forge our lives into one.

The title might lead someone to think that Jayme saved my life. Perhaps I was drowning, or maybe in a deep depression, but neither of these are true. What Jayme did is provide me with a life full of life. Let me explain. See I had been making the motions, going to parties, seeing friends, doing the things I enjoy, and generally being a happy individual. I felt that I was fulfilled, that I had understood existence and done a good job at being Luke. But something happened when I spent my first day with Jayme. It was like finally seeing the depth of experience. She gave dimension to an otherwise linear life. It was more then a shift in thinking, it was a whole new world.

This weekend added to that world. She helped me define family for me, she helped and supported me in planning a weekend up with mom and my brothers, something we have not done in over 15 years. She is a sweet and tender woman who is always by my side, guiding me down the path to forever. I might be 6 years older then her, but she is light-years more advanced emotionally then I am.

So even though I lived before Jayme, now, I have the gift of life.  Deep, emotional, raw, open, tender, and purposeful life.

So as I sit and reflect on one of the last weeks of being apart I wanted to remind myself of some of the real reasons I know Jayme is going to be with me forever. And since it is also Mother’s Day this weekend I think there is no more fitting topic for me to quick right about then the title you see above.

My Mom is such an important person in my life, all of my family is really, but there is something about the approval of a mother that is harder for a girl to get sometimes. Now I have dated before and my mom has always tolerated others, but never did she love them. I can tell you that when my mom sees the smile that Jayme puts on my face, how calm and relaxed I appear, how truly cared for I am, She sees that this woman will be her next and last daughter in law.

And really how couldn’t she? Jayme is so many things to me and has such a strong sense of nurturing, compassion, and love that she would make any mother proud to welcome her into their family. This weekend I am planning on making the drive to visit my mom, two hours out of the way for Jayme on her already 3 hour drive that day, but I can bet, that when she reads this post that we will have a great memories to talk about on our first Mother’s Day together.

And one day, when my Son brings home his future wife, I can only pray she is a quarter of the woman that my will-be-wife is.

Jayme’s love for me is strong. I don’t mean just strong like she will help me when I am down, she won’t be tempted by any good looking guy (even Josh Dummel… I hope). I mean she loves me in a way that shows me that the words “Does she really love me?” don’t even exist. Today for me was hard, I dropped a half cup of mayo all over my pants,  my cookies in the vending machine got stuck and I was feeling kind of miserable about my lack of job prospects. I was in a downward spiral, a real “feel bad for me” type of mood.

Most people would scold the other person, make them feel even smaller then they did, but not my Jayme. The strength of her love endures the whining and complaining I do and just continues to support and encourage me with the purest form of caring. While I know the things I explained are not life altering or devastating, but to me, at that time, they were. I was able to lean on my will-be-wife and find the strength I needed in that moment. So for that, I am beyond grateful for.

But she is also there in the good times too, like this past weekend where we got to spend some much needed alone time together. We watched my nephew for the evening on Friday and went to bed early before getting up on Saturday to spend the day galavanting around downtown Minneapolis before going to the Twins’ game. Do you want to know my favorite part? well I have two. The first was grabbing lunch and drinks at the 508 Bar. That is where we had our first kiss. It was such a real and honest moment. We both gushed so much about how we both knew we had found our soulmates. We cried happy tears, talked about our future together and agreed to come back as often as we can to reminisce about that wonderful evening we had our last first kiss.

The Second was after the game, back at home. We opened all the windows in our tiny apartment and napped with the breeze blowing in. The sounds of the trees swaying put us to sleep. It was so perfect of a moment with her lying on my chest, I could have lived in that moment forever and never missed anything else.

She is my life and the rest of the world is just background noise.  

This is not a post about cuticle care or proper nail trimming techniques. I am talking about thumbnails in a digital sense. In the blog I have been posting pictures of Jayme, times we spend together, things that remind me of her, screen shots from Snapchat and FaceTime. All those pictures are sitting on my desktop (because I am one of those lazy MFers who doesn’t make folders). So no matter what small amount of my desktop is showing, I have a picture I can see of Jayme. They are small so obviously I cannot see all the details, but they provide a great reminder about our life together so far. I can’t believe it all started with one happy hour together. (full disclosure I worked in that line a little early, but to be fair, the song was JUST playing).

Alright, back to thumbnails. The desktop cluttered with memories and work files reminds me about an important part of mine and Jayme’s relationship, our balance. Jayme helps me in so many ways, but one of the biggest ones is she keeps me centered and focused on what really matters. Sure I get down about work, how long my commute is or how no one seems to know how to act professionally, but when I start down that “woe is me” road, she grabs the lantern <—– (A whole other topic), and brings me back to what is important in life.  And to me, those are the moments I get to see, cuddle, kiss, and babe my babe. (for questions about babing, click here).

So when I don’t have my babe at my side, I at least have these thumbnails to remind me about how great my life is. It is astounding sometimes when I look at the countless pictures and remember I have only spent six short months with this woman. I never knew so much love and happiness could be packed into such a short time. Each day I get to spend with Jayme is amazing beyond my wildest dreams, I plan to cherish each one I get with her and make many more thumbnail memories together.

Our world is HUGE. there are Billions of people, Millions of towns and cities, Hundreds of countries, Remote mountain peaks, deep oceans, frozen tundras, Mega cities casting shadows on the land. There is a lot of everything. and if you think about how small our little planet is throughout the galaxy and known universe, really puts life in perspective. I think Carl Sagan said it best here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b58SfRphkKc

For me, at least right now, one line really sticks out in his speech. “Every young couple in love”. I doubt that was a surprise when looking at the reason for this blog. Those few words are meant to encompass what it means to love and have love. What defines us in life can be many things, how we are remembered by our families and maybe the world can be chalked up to a few moments in time. Maybe it is a great business we created, a beautiful painting, A rebuilt home, sports accolades. In my short time I have accomplished many things, things I am proud of, but there is only one that I want to be remembered for. I want that when my name is thought of by others that the one thing they recount is that, every day,  with every breath, he loved Jayme with all his heart, body, and soul. That all he had was hers and all he did was done with her in mind.

I think about people I know, those who fit the mold of “in love” but for all of them, I feel the tiniest bit of sadness, because my reality tells me that Jayme, the Angel who I call mine, is the most amazing woman that has, or ever will, set foot on that pale blue dot. I know that might sound short sighted being that I have met so few of the 4 billion woman currently walking around this earth. But, to me, that shows the purity and utter amazement that emanates from her glowing smile, brilliant blue eyes, and her graceful soul.

So all I want in this big world is a little life with Jayme, my future Mrs, because, to me, you are the world.

Everyone everywhere is always on the hunt for love, not always for love of a person, but maybe a new favorite pizza, or a job they enjoy, hobby, or whatever it could be. But my hunt for love is over since I found the perfect woman, the one that makes me feel great no matter what the circumstances. She is my life and will be the driving force behind my decisions from this day forward.

Easter was last Sunday, and last Saturday I wanted Jayme to know how much I cared for her. This long distance thing can feel like a job sometimes, and with moving most of her things in that weekend, I thought she deserved a break from the packing, moving, and putting away grind. So the week prior I devised an egg hunt for her around Minneapolis, to places that have meant something to our relationship. Each egg contained  a clue to the next and the last one ended up at Target Field revealing tickets for later in the month.

Below is the notes found in each egg. sorry for the spelling errors and grammar, I was rushed to get it printed before I left work on Friday!

Remember when we got coffee that night after work? I hated coffee, especially when you have to pay 4 bucks a piece! But that was never the reason to go to Caribou, it was to have the opportunity to spend every extra second I could with you, soaking up all the amazing that radiated from you. We sat and chatted like we had been together for years. In ways, we kinda have been. Our souls must have met before, because our connection is far beyond that of anything I have ever experienced. Spending that evening with you I knew that my life was not going to be the same ever again. I had found someone who transcended all that I thought possible. I woman who was all the things I didn’t know I needed to be the best version of me. I love you Muffy.

Clue 2: J.C Cutler might take a walk up this curvy path in the neighboring park. Once you reach the top, look all around, but keep your head down.

Ahh the Guthrie, the site of our first photo (credit that huge ass escalator mirror) excessive hand holding and kissing in a fancy locale, and feeling so high I felt like a was in a dream. Every time I see this building or hear someone mention it, I can’t help but get excited thinking about the official kickoff to what would become a once-in-a-generation kind of love. Plays are inspired by real life, heartbreaking tragedies, hilarious experiences and the truest of loves. Don’t be surprised if someday our love story is recounted for the masses (or at least for our two children and 8 dogs). Jayme, every day with you is a blessing, but that day might have been the day I left my heart behind with yours, thanks for taking care of it for me, I would trust no one else with it. 🙂

Clue 3: Look out over the river and you will see a structure as famous as the water it crosses. Plenty of engagement and wedding photos have made this an iconic Minneapolis landmark. Your next egg is below your feet but above the water, good luck finding your bungee-egg!

Stone Arch Bridge! Super cool isn’t it? I ran across this twice when I was running my half marathon. (hopefully it is at least slightly warmer today). I recall crossing this the second time, I was exhausted, less than a mile was left and I felt like I was ready to just drop, give up, but I pushed on. I thought back to the day before how great it was to be with you, spend time meeting your friends, open up my life to a new possibility of true happiness. The world was mine for the taking, and if I could get a woman as amazing as you to fall for me 13.2 miles is nothing. I gave it all I had and beat my time. I was proud of myself, what I was able to accomplish, but the thing that was missing was you. No matter how great of personal accomplishments we have, they are nothing without someone to share them with. I am glad that I have you in my life as my partner and best friend who I can share the good times and the not-so good times with as well. I love you darling.

Clue 4: a three digit number and a booth, if you need more clues then that we have a problem Missy! Hopefully no one stole it already!

“Take me to the 508” first words I said to my Uber driver as I got in. We talked about you, how we met, how much I cared about you, it was such an exciting and thrilling moment, my heart is racing typing this right now. I knew what I wanted, it was you, there was no two ways about it. I know it was going against everything that anyone would have told me, but I love you, I wanted to be with you, I wanted more than anything to spend every moment with you (good thing I played it cool though 🙂 ). I walked in and saw your smile and melted instantly, there was nothing anyone could have done at that moment to tear me away from you because my soul was holding on too tight. Of course our epic night was cut short, but it didn’t matter, I went home that night with a smile ear to ear. I could barely sleep thinking about seeing you that next evening. That was the last first kiss of my life.

Clue 5: your last stop is up next, it’s big, its bronze, and it catches butts not balls.

Target field! We have taken huge steps from that evening at 508 till today, and I see us only growing closer together. We have made many memories at so many amazing places (our parents places, St. Cloud, Wahpeton, Fargo, Guthrie, hwy 94 in general J). It has been these memories that have made us who we are today, helped us grow and become more than just a couple, but a true partnership. We don’t simply have each other’s backs, we are them. We support and lift up the other always. Your love for me makes me feel special every day, so this Easter egg hunt was a small way for me to show you my appreciation for all you do for me. So thank you for being sweet on me each and every day. You know what, come to think of it we don’t seem to have any memories on the other side of those gates *look at me as I point at the gates* So we will be back to check Target Field of our list of memorable location in 35 short days when they play the tigers on April 30^th! I am ready to make more memories how about you?