journeywithjayme

The future is such an ambiguous and abstract concept. The future is unwritten, full of possibility and change. It can be everything and nothing all at the same time. Sure we all have ideas of what we want that future to look like, but only on rare opportunities do we get to peer into that future. Last night was one for me.

Big brother asked if we could watch my nephew and with no other social obligations we were both happy to oblige. We have done it before either by ourselves or with other people, but never an issue or any particular insight, until last night. Jayme is what one might call a n00b when it comes to babies and kids. She never had young cousins she cared for or a sibling, so Cal is the first baby in her life. We played and had fun like usual, but the glimpse into the future came at bedtime, when I went to warm the bottle, she put him to sleep.

It was, like most things for her with little ones, her first time. So I sat outside in the hall and watched through the crack in the door as she helped to get his clothes changed, and rocked him to sleep. It was a transcendent moment, to see her as more then just a woman I love, but as one who can provide and care for something so small and special. Yes I got flashes of that same woman while he would run between her legs or sit on her lap, but that upmost sweetness can only be found at bedtime.

I never doubted her ability to be that person, or her desire to have that life, but the real life image is something that truly shows why I want to ask her to Marry me.

*side note* as I write this Jayme is messaging me about how she has “baby fever” how interesting we both are thinking about the future right this very minute.

Happy Monday after a long weekend on the road. We were a couple of traveling fools on Saturday. From the BT5K in St. Paul, Then down to Henderson MN for Family pictures with Jayme’s family. our next leg brought us to St. Cloud for my grandma’s memorial, and finally back home to Minneapolis.  It was a great time, but there are three moments in particular that made me fall even more in love, and they are detailed below.

1. Spilled Grain Brewhouse: so we have driven past this place multiple times on trips to see my family, but we are either running late or just want to get home. It looks folksy and cute so when we stopped in we pulled up to the bar and started sampling. We got our beers and talked. We discussed just the everyday, talked about life and how much we liked the beer and place. It was one of those date like feelings. I was giddy, like I was on a first date trying to impress the most amazing woman I have ever met, not knowing I already have her heart. I know a year doesn’t look like a lot of time, but feelings like that fade often, relationships get stale and robotic almost, but not with Jayme. She makes an ordinary trip to a brewery into a memory that will be with me forever.
2. She is a keeper: I have already written about the resounding praise Jayme gets from all the people she meets. How sweet she is, how gracious, fun, kind, beautiful, blah blah blah. My aunt Patty had kind words as well. As we were getting ready to leave she gave me a hug and whispered “she is a keeper” again I was taken aback (at this point I guess I should just come to expect it). It is always a great reminder that her love shines so bright that others see and just have to comment.
3. Early to bed:  So Sleep is not something I do often, I am more of a night person. I typically get a huge case of FOMO when I am not doing something on a Friday or Saturday night, but not this night. Me and Jayme were both wiped by the time we got home, it was straight to bed before 9:00! As I laid there, getting ready to drift off to dream world, the last thing I remember was how truly amazing the everyday is. I went into this Saturday and called it “the day of obligation”. It was to be a weekend that was lost and would not provide much for excitement. But it was quite the opposite, everyday that starts and end the same way this one did is one to relish. Her head next to mine is all I need.

So with all that being said, and all the uncertainty for our future, the destination can be anywhere as long as I have my shotgun rider with me.

So wanting to make the moment Jayme learns out about this blog to be as magical as it could be, I knew I wanted to pay the 12 bucks for a .com domain name. I however did not want to pay 10 more on top of that for the We-wont-share-your-info feature…. Big mistake. This has lead to calls weekly from the following locations (keep in mind this is just a sample of the locations.)
San Jose, CA
St. Louis, MO
Bismark, ND
Bridgeport, CT
West Bloomingfield, MI
Malibu, CA
Crescent City, IL
Brainbridge Island, WA
Alvin, TX
Hattiesburg, MS

All of them want to offer me a $250,000 small business loan. They reviewed my record and can tell this thing is ready to grow and they have the capital to offer. They could not be further from right if they tried. First off, the investment that is needed is only the words I type and the pictures I tag, this “business” only functions with hard work, no infusion of funds will make the content better then my unskilled hands can make it. Secondly, growth is against the business model I developed. We have a very specific demographic we are targeting, and I know just how to get the word out to her when the time is right.

Yeah the calls get annoying, but they are all for a good cause. I also never say “no” or “take me off your list” because for me it is a reminder of what I am doing here. I am building a proposal and a memento for a woman I love so she can feel secure in my dedication. So when I pick up my phone and see a number from around the country, I smile to myself, about this great secret I have, but more so the inspiration for this secret. She is to me the definition of pure human awesomeness. So while my current “company” might be cash poor, we are just biding our time until our launch.

 

No I am not talking about that curse word I just made you mumble, I am talking about the one that is more important that, the one that has shaped all of our lives in one way or another. Family. This weekend Me and Jayme went on a trip with her sister, future brother in law, mom, and dad. Let me tell you, it was a blast, we did all the things and had a great time with all of it. I wouldn’t change any of it (well maybe Brit Brit saying we jumped in the lake, but that is another story).

Over this last weekend I was able to see alot of what a life with Jayme would be, how she was raised and what it meant to be apart of this family. There were so many great moments that I want to write about, but only one that really matters. It was last night, with her sister, on a porch in plastic chairs.

We talked about alot of things; the future engagement, religion, kids, jobs, ect. But the one thing that struck home with me was her thoughts on how me and her little sister are together. How we love, How I care for her, How she knows I am the one for her best friend. We cried (duh, my emotions are out of control without that many whiskey cokes), we got to feel what it will be like to be in each-others lives forever. Truthfully Brittany said alot of things that night that made me feel safe, happy, and proud, but no words compare to the love that was in her eyes for who me and Jayme are together.

I have two F words to worry about now.

 

Oh we also got arcade married, it was pretty great. 🙂

 

Wedding bells were in the air this weekend. Okay there were no bells of ANY kind and even if they were they would not have been in in the air they would have been perched on some type of swinging contraption. But I digress. Jayme and I were able to attend our very first wedding together. We got to see friends, dance, drink, and be the best looking couple there (okay I am biased, second best). While it was fun to celebrate, it also allowed me a glimpse into a different side of Jayme. It was a fancy occasion we got to get dressed up for and feel like for a night that we had no money worries, that we were just two people in love.

I enjoyed every aspect of the day and most of all spending it with her. We got ready together, made a dollar store pit stop, were the first people to the cocktail hour (see amazing picture) and we danced our hearts out on the floor. Yes it was a magical evening that only helped to solidify my desire to have our own special day together.  It is sending chills running down my body thinking about what that will mean, what it will be, and the truth is, I don’t even know if I will be able to comprehend it when it does. For now that is okay because I have the love of an amazing woman who never gives up, who loves with every fiber of her being, and that is more than enough for me. I couldn’t figure out a super cute way to work in this song, but it has been playing on repeat for me. With all the struggles it is nice to know that she wants to lift me as much as I her.

 

Yes the title is a catchy Aerosmith song, (and done great by Eminem too) but it is something I have been contemplating lately. Dreaming can be very fun to do, to look into the future and see a grand life you are wanting to have someday. That was not the case recently for me and Jayme. We looked at our dreams and we wondered if we were making the best decsions to reach those dreams. It was a sad afternoon of FB messages back and forth, but there was a great light that came from it. We realized that even though we cannot make every dream happen today, we can still make some, enter, Creative day.

Creative day allows us to express our creative side, we both want to someday be able to build a home together and make it ours, but for now we can paint pictures, play music, write stories and do all the other things that allow us to create in a different way. It is a nice change from just sitting in front of the TV (which we still like to do). It lets us live some of those dreams we have, even if just for a few hours in an evening.

It is hard to imagine a world without Jayme in my life, having a woman that can help me reach my dreams today and into the future is an amazing gift. So that golden field of prairie grass blowing in the stiff autumn winds might only be a picture today, but it is a dream I will realize with my bride by my side.

It has been awhile since I wrote about the impetuous (yes I knew the word, but finding the proper spelling awhile) for my blog for Jayme. I want a gift to present to her, to show her my thoughts and our memories over our time dating before she answers that question I want to ask. As time has been passing and we have navigated our lives together, I get glimpses into the time after I ask. The planning, the sharing, the love, all the obvious things are present, but when is it going to happen is still a mystery.

I know when I would ideally like to do this, after I get a new job, we are set in our plans for moving to a new place, and the air is crisp with scents of fall all around.

Now while that might sound perfect, there are plenty of barriers from it coming true and being the chosen time. First and foremost would be not wanting a two year engagement. Jayme’s sister is getting hitched next fall already and feel like it might be too close together. So this would push an engagement into next spring, an almost unacceptable time for me to wait to ask Jayme to be with me forever.  Secondly I don’t have a work solution figured out. That could happen in a matter of days, weeks, or, months, one can never be sure until they are certain.

The one thing that is not holding me/us back is the most pivotal piece though, our commitment and love for each other. We love and support each other beyond anything I have witnessed in my life. It is everything that should be foundational in a relationship that will stand the test of time. So with that, I know that this is what I want, It is what I will have, but right now, the waiting game we are playing can be torture-some and necessary all at the same time. And since the ball is in my court, I will do my best to be patient for our time to come, for the future to unfurl and reveal when our forever is meant to begin. Until that time I will be sitting, waiting, and loving the woman of my dreams.

 

Me and Jayme right now are sharing a small one bedroom apartment. It is cramped, has very loose outlets, (you don’t know the importance of a well fitting outlet until you have dealt with this trash) no A/C, and has lead me to become a serial spider killer. It has plenty of flaws and I could keep counting, but the most important thing about it to me is that it is ours. When we are both home and the sun is setting we can lock the door behind us. That small, cramped, buggy, old, and worn out place becomes something much more. It is a sanctuary. It is a place the provides refuge from a sometimes brutal world full of anger, frustration, and loss. When we are together, and that door is locked, there are only two things that exist in this world. Me and the Woman who makes this place home.

And when you really get right down to it, having a home in the sense we do, having each other, like we have each other, is there anything else that is needed? Sure there are a lot of details to complete this picture of life, but we will figure those out, we have the brushes and canvas, our masterpiece is a work in progress.

I feel so fortunate to know my future so well. there might be plenty of uncertainty of how we will get there, but I know who will be riding shotgun on my journey there.

Just a couple photos Jayme had on her phone, I tricked her into sending them 🙂

 

the Saying is one that used to be on a shirt my Dad owned. It was purple and gold and was meant for our Minnesota Vikings. It was the idea that, no matter how the team may look, we can still win, and this year can be our year. (so side note, all of this was written days before the Teddy ACL thing, sorry for the jinx Vikings nation).

Anyways, I think that idea of belief is an important one for a relationship to have, and it is something that me and Jayme share. We believe not only in each other, but in us. The idea that that we are more then the sum of our parts. We both have strengths that are powerful defining features of us (Jayme’s serenity and kindness, My energy and excitement) but the interesting thing is, when we are able to come together and shed those personal identities and become completely one, we are an example of reliance and faith in the power of love, and that is something I would never trade.

So we believe in us and our ability to be better together, to weather storms together, but we also believe in all of that, now. Some might tell me that I should have waited to jump so headlong into this relationship, taken things slower, not opened up so much. With Jayme though, I just, I just knew. there was no “trial period” or time I didn’t believe in us. The story of us is unique to who we are as people independently, but more importantly, who we are together. So just like the Vikings and that tattered old shirt my dad has, we believe in now.

Oh and on the Vikings side of things,  we got to go to a private event at US Bank Stadium! I even taught Jayme to sing this!

What a weekend, Jayme got to see Luke Bryan and he didn’t disappoint, we had a trip to watch my nephew, and had a big bash for my friend’s birthday. It was a great time and spent too much money on even more fun. But this story is not about those things, no, this is about our existence and the many delineations of it that exist. (look for the asshole with the stupid bent neck to find me).

Me and Jayme have finished watching “stranger things” on Netflix and it introduces the idea of multiple universes that exist. That there are an infinite possibilities of existence that are happening all at once. So for instance, there is a world where I am a fighter pilot who has a pet giraffe that fights crime.  The point is, in one of these worlds I am the happiest I could possibly be. I mean, I have it ALL. Money, job, cars, however that is defined. and this part is about to get super corny, I think I am in that happiest possible universe. Yeah I could have more money, or better things, or better body, play for the Vikings, control shit with my mind, but I am not convinced those things begat true happiness.

So while all those things are great and could make me happy, I would be without my happiness multiplier, Jayme. See even when things are fun, sharing them with her, makes them greater. she takes the mundane (grocery shopping) and makes it something memorable. So while I could vastly improve upon my life in the physical sense (location, stuff, job), without Jayme, all those improvements are for not.

My happiness is now tied to how big of a smile I can put on that face, the laughs of hers I can hear, the happy tears that I can instigate. While there might be parallel universes, the one I exist in is unparalleled in the happiness it brings.