journeywithjayme

So I have been cleaning out my draft blog posts and this is the last one That I have. It was always going to be one of the last ones, partly because I thought we would have a pretty good idea of what we wanted it to look like. But my idea of how this post was going to go has changed. so this will be My view of that day, specially since it has become burned into my dreams more and more with each passing day.

I have been to quite a few different weddings, and with most of them, there is something that sticks out to me. My brothers’ weddings have a deep family element, each with their own defining song that will bring me back to that day (Ben’s and Adam’s). Watching someone you grew up with make the biggest decision of their life is more then moving, it is life-changing. It not only grew my family, but my understanding of the different faces love can have.

With my friends Ben and Lindsay, their wedding was beyond fun. I will always remember our bus ride from the ceremony to the reception. It felt perfect. It was what you would expect, just pure unadulterated fun. There was only smiles, only happy thoughts and at that moment I didn’t think anyone could possibility be better together then those two. It reminded me to find that person who I want to spend all the happiest days of my life at.

With Timm and Mara’s wedding I found myself convinced that everyone has their match.  Their wedding was unique and totally fit who they are. It was refreshing to see that they did things their way and didn’t bend to what others thought or what might be “traditional”.

At Jayme’s friends’ wedding we had a lot of fun, but what was the biggest memory for me was being there with Jayme’s parents. These are the people I will be asking for their blessing on my proposal. Someday they will be at My wedding and witness me and Jayme becoming one.

So what will our wedding look like? that question  has so many answers (ones I am Jayme wants input on ;). But there are a few things I know for certain.

It will have family and the coming together of all those we love and love us. Their will be a great group of friends who will celebrate with us and make sure the night is unforgettable. It will reflect our love and who we are as people. The little goofy things we do, the sweet way we talk to each other. but most of all it will have me and Jayme together sharing a table, a day, and most importantly a name. I will be hers and she mine for the rest of forever.

 

 

If you know me, you know I can be impatient, I want what I want and I want it now. Whether it is the weekend, a new tool, or Chipotle (which is always), but right now the only thing I want feels miles away.

It has been only 1 of 6 weeks that I was told I would need to wait for Jayme’s ring to be ready. I felt that amount of time would be fine, we have the rest of our lives to be together, so a few weeks waiting for the perfect ring to be ready would not be a problem. That was so wrong. Being within a seeable distance of that day makes it feel forever away. At this point I would take a twist tie and use it for a ring if it meant we could be engaged. This keeps me up at night, it makes me check my email every two minutes, it makes me nervous, it makes me excited, and most of all it makes me grateful that I will be able to give my life and my promise of never-ending love to the most deserving person.

So while I might throw internal tantrums about my waiting plight, this impatience perfectly captures why this is the best decision of my life.

Picture credit to our small town Minnesota weekend up at the lake.

So getting back in shape is a goal of mine, I have been running after work on the treadmills here. It gives me the opportunity to get out some energy, crank some thumpin’ tunes and let me mind go blank. The only problem is that it doesn’t go blank, it keeps bringing me image of a date hopefully six short weeks away, the proposal.

My ideal scenario rushes in and then gets filled with details, what we will talk about, if we will meet family afterword’s, starting the planning process for the wedding, etc etc etc . I feel my calves tighten and also grow weak at the same time, my heart pounds harder and harder, and I feel weak all over. all of this why running on a treadmill. Then the moment itself comes into focus, me on one knee explaining to Jayme all the reasons she is the one person I want to see each morning until my last. When that happened I lost all control and felt my heart was going to leap out of my chest and run for her. I quick hopped off the treadmill and tried to stand and catch my breath. The thought of making this dream a reality is almost too much to bare, and that is what excites me the most about it. When simply thinking about that one moment could disrupt me in such a way  that I can’ t even maintain my feet beneath me, can there be a more clear sign that I have found my soulmate?

Jayme is my life, my mind knows it, my body knows it, and soon she will know it.

 

This process of getting engaged has resulted in some fun stories and moments I would want to share with Jayme, but I just can’t cause it would ruin the whole “marry me?” surprise coming up. Jayme is truly my other half, if  I know something, so does she. It feels wrong not sharing my experiences with her, because she is apart of me. I wanted to be able to share them with her sooner then later so here goes my virtual attempt to satisfy my need to say the things I can’t.

Shopping for ring: So I have already wrote about this in the abstract sense, but the actual stories come from the different places I visited. I went to a few large chain jewelers, one very popular Minnesota jeweler, and then a family run jewelry store. I had a few experiences that were fine, nothing special, one that was great and another that I knew from the moment go I was not getting a ring there. The one place I did not like instantly clung to all the “great ideas” I had for this ring was overly sell-y (if that is a word) she tried to high priced rings and really didn’t seem to know what she was talking about. (I had to point out the exemption of their warranty/exchange policy not covering my ring due to wanting a pearl center. It was not a great experience to say the least.  The place I ended up going with was the small family run jewelry store. the person who helped me really wanted me to make the best selection for me and Jayme. she was patient and helpful along with not being overly “excited” for us. The perfect blend of professionalism and personality. They are custom creating the ring for me this very minute and it will hopefully be here in 6 weeks so I can purpose in 6 weeks and a day 🙂

Chad on patio: Friday last week was St. Patty’s Day, one of my favorite holidays. My Friend Chad came down along with my brother and other people. Chad and I were out on the patio talking and specifically discussing another friends bachelor parties.  I mentioned being hesitant to want to spend a ton of money on it because I had other expenses coming up. Chad jumped on the statement and asked “are you going to purpose to Jayme?!” I respond with a simple yes (more then likely assisted by the green beer that was flowing). Then a bro hug followed by a “F’ yeah, that’s awesome!”. So, I think it is safe to say Chad approves.

Texting Kaitlyn: While I am pretty sure Jayme will love the ring I chose to go with, I wanted to get the opinion of one of her best friends. She concurred that the design was great and that Jayme should love it. We then talked a little about how excited we both are for the actual proposal to happen (THOSE details are under locks). I always enjoy my talks with Kaitlyn, She is a great person and it is beyond clear we both love the same girl.

Jokes about engagement: So this has been hilarious for me. you have made three of these “hahaha-we-are-not-engaged-yet-hahaha” jokes. I have no idea if they are her way of hinting that we need be getting engaged soon or not, but it a moot point really, the one she made last night was only 6 hours after I paid for the ring and it began its creation process.

Dinner with dad: I saved the sweet one for last. We went out for dinner last night with my dad since he was in town for a conference. We had great conversation and it was a lot of fun. When we were going to drop him back off at his hotel we decided to make an impromptu stop over at a new brewery in the area. It was more of the same from dinner (laughing, stories etc). I got up and went to the bathroom at one point and walked back to the two of them talking at the table and it was just such a nice site to see Jayme fully integrated into my family and comfortable in where she was. I know a lot of these stories seem inconsequential and they really are, because they are the everyday. It is no surprise that our friends are happy for us, or that Jayme fits so well with my family. But right now I can’t tell her all of this, so for now this post will hold those thoughts and these stories until the day she says “yes” to that most important question.

It has been clear from when I started this blog that I knew what the end point would be, Me and Jayme together, engaged to be married. As each day passed and still passes, I continue to get more and more reasons that add to the pile of them as to why this is the best decision I could ever make. This weekend provided a few more in the shape of great times with family. As the days pass and that mound of “reasons-to-marry” continues to grow, there still is only one that matters. She is my best friend .

I know that sounds beyond cliché and that everyone and their mother has heard that those words used in a vow or two, it doesn’t matter, because it is true. Your best friend is the one person you want to see every minute of everyday, the first one you want to call with bad news and the last one you want to see at night. The person who doesn’t just get you, but accentuates you and all those quirks and obnoxious traits that others can’t stand. The one who you will be just as happy folding laundry with as jet-setting around the globe. Jayme is that person for me, and I can say with complete confidence that I am for her too.

There is nothing wrong with adding more reasons to marry her, and I plan on continuing to (can you say beer pong champions?). But they are only icing on an already sweet cake, one that I plan on making mine very, very soon.

The title is a common statement that can be heard on any given day on any number of radio/TV commercials or in person at a jewelry store.

Yes, I have started my solo process of ring shopping, and it is quite the experience. See, Jayme gave me guidance on what she would want for a ring (pearl center, diamond halo, white gold) but that is really all I got. There are so many options out there it can be overwhelming, what makes this ring with a few more diamonds on the side say “I will love you forever” more than the one with the metal scrollwork? the answer? nothing. while I agree wholeheartedly in the title statement of this blog, it is just that, a symbol. People will look at the ring and know I made a promise with it to love and cherish Jayme for the rest of my life, that we are bonded together and will not be broken and no matter the size of diamond (or pearl in our situation) nor the designer name, or the cost will determine the symbol and what quality of love it represents. No the symbol remains the same, it is the love behind it that can change. I look forward to having whatever ring I end up selecting being a symbol for a love that grows and inspires me and Jayme daily.

As this process comes to a close I catch myself going back and reading what I have put in this blog and I have learned a few things, some important, some embarrassing, and one that means the most. Let’s start with the least of these.

Embarrassing:

1. grammar/spelling/syntax errors. Woof, I have a lot of mistakes while typing up this blog. I could take the opportunity to make something up how they represent the mistakes and bumps along the way,    But that would be a lie, truth is, I let the words flow from my brain without hesitation or thought for how to spell something or the proper version of “their”. Plenty of half thoughts and unbelievably poor attempts at following grammatical rules riddle this blog. And at least for now, that doesn’t matter, because my audience of one has not arrived. So I will be sifting through all the words to make sure it is at least legible before my bride arrives.
2. I am not as funny as I think I am. Some of my attempts at humor fall flat even for me. I tend to pride myself on funny, maybe I should rethink my dreams of stand-up comedian…

Important

1. Tough Times. Me and Jayme didn’t start dating at the best time for either of us. We have struggled and worked though many big moments and difficult circumstances throughout our relationship. But even behind the eight ball, we came out on top because we went into it together.  While I do not doubt there are more problems ahead, I know that We can weather the storm together.
2. Our world knows we are meant to be. Reading about what my parents have said, how my friends are around Jayme, and the things we have done together made me well-up with emotion. If this blog doesn’t give Jayme “the feels” it sure does for me. It has been remarkable getting to feel everything again. It is clear that our love won’t be challenged or doubted by anyone we know or have met, it is a light that will shine forever.

The Most

1. Jayme loves me. This might seem silly, of course I know she loves me, we spend all our time together, we work as a team, celebrate successes and commiserate our losses. Jayme is the ultimate partner and the love of my life because she loves me so perfectly. Actions are often said to be a manifestation of feelings, and I feel this blog is just that, it is something that has come from the love Jayme has shown me everyday since we traded songs at work over a year ago.

I write first person because everything I type is my thoughts, the inside working of my brain, how I feel about Jayme and how everyday I fall more and more in love with her. but tonight, I want to talk about something else, I want to talk about how I see MY life and this blog.

My adult life has been a roller coaster to say the least, really big highs (graduating grad school, becoming an uncle, meeting Jayme) and deep lows. but throughout it all I have found a way to survive and be happy. I never really knew what it was I was destined for or what the eternity of my existence was supposed to mean. I floated in and out of relationships convincing myself that this is the  person, even though I knew deep down that I was not happy with the situation. But everything changed when I got to spend one day with Jayme. There were not sparks, but nonstop lightning strikes. She was able to give focus to me and my life, she showed me that I deserved to not only be happy, but that I deserved greatness in all aspects of life. and you know what? I believed it, for the first time, all the struggles and ups and downs were no longer what defined me. I let her into my life and she provided a new mantra to live by “I deserve greatness”. In the last 15 months I have turned that support into a new job, a better personal relationship with friends, and a deeper one with family. I am the person I always wanted to be, and not because Jayme has made me that way, but because she believed in and support me. Their is no substitute for the love and support from another person, especially your sole mate.

This blog is something of a grand gesture, and as a man in my family, I like grand gestures. I don’t know what it is about it, but my brothers are also pretty good at it. I am a big fan of the Radio show “This American Life” and one of the most recent episodes was on this topic. One of the stories has a women who said she used to feel the same way, that she really liked grand gestures, but then said that she felt like she was hiding behind them, that the other person would not like her for her that she needed to put in all that effort so they wouldn’t see her flaws. She went on to say that she also did this grand gestures for herself, that she got some kind of pleasure that she put so much effort in. She came to resent grand gestures. While I can certainty see her point, I couldn’t draw a more different conclusion from her argument. I do not see myself hiding behind the grand gesture, but alongside it, that this thing I have created, whether a Christmas gift or this blog, is a manifestation of the love I feel. I want Jayme to know that even when I am not thinking about her, I am thinking about her. That no matter how hectic our lives get, that it will never be too crazy for me to take a time out and work on something to make her feel special. This woman is the one I will share the rest of my days with, she should feel special as many of those days as possible. secondly I did do this blog for myself as well. I did it to prove that I was the man I described above, the one who deserves the love I receive everyday from the most amazing woman I have ever met.

So my outlook is positive, with just a hint of absolutely amazed that I get the privilege of filling up these blank virtual pages for my bride to be.

 

Well the boxes are broken down, the dishes in cabinets (even though I might not know which ones) and our life has begun anew. This place feels so amazing compared to where we just were. way more space (and usable space at that) a cool loft area, nicer appliances and an attached garage. As much as this change-in-place is a huge step in the right direction, the adventure of this new place together allows us to grow in new ways. Learn how to be with each other alone more (since most of our friends are over an hour away). our weekdays will be ours to spend with each other. and with a MUCH shorter commute, our domestication continues to flourish.

even with all the good things we have gained, I would give each and everyone up as long as I still was able to keep Jayme in my life. I keep reminding myself the greatest feature of this new place is the same as it was at the old one, the two keys belong to me and the woman I love. and whether those keys unlock this place, our old one, or some hole in the wall, they all lead to the same location, no matter what the view from it is.

I hope she knows how much she is my life. my world stops and starts with her. I hope she feels confident and comfortable in this place and in me, because there is nowhere I would rather be then by her side.

Oh, and there is a bomb Mexican restaurant just down the road! Bonus!

 

As the title might suggest, the Date is set and we are ready to pack up our 1 bedroom dungeon 70 miles away from our jobs and move into a nice town home 7 MILES from work. It is going to be great to get all that time back in our days, over 10 hours a week, I guess that means I will start having to workout again… but this move signifies so much beyond the general upgrade in our daily lives, it is the start to the final chapter of this blog. There will still be entries to come, but the final post is growing ever closer.

What we both wanted was security before taking that next step, not so much in our feelings, but in where we were financially, and also professionally. That may sound super unromantic and boring, but that is because it is. This blog is written by a real guy for a real girl. Two people who stress about bills, how much they snack at night, and who will call the pizza guy (me, it is always me). We have a fairy-tale love, and it does not need a fairy-tale proposal or  risky, ill-thought-out  romantic gesture (See any TV show/movie ever).

So our boring, unromantic plan of stability and security might be uninspired, but it will provide the basis for an unstoppable couple in a strong and committed relationship, and that might be just the most romantic thing ever. Being willing to sacrifice pomp and frills for what matters; depth, devotion, and unwavering passion.

So this weekend when we carry in the furniture and start to unpack the boxes, we are setting the scene for the place I will share with my fiancé.

 

Picture credit to me, Jayme and our friend Chad finally getting back to winning at trivia!