Here we are, the last post. The last time I will write in here before finally revealing the blog to Jayme. A bitter sweet moment for me, this blog has become apart of me, the memory of making it over the past year and a half  is something I will never forget. But like all good things it must come to an end. (queue great goodbye song)

With that being said, this is not a time for tears or sadness, it is time for a victory lap! I made it to the finish line and the start of the rest of my life. Jayme has been the greatest inspiration to me. I cannot express the gratitude I have for being afforded the opportunity to love her. Finding the one person who makes me better than I ever thought I could be is a feeling without equal. It is awesome to look back at all we have accomplished in only the short time we have been together, it is even more awesome to look forward at all that is on the horizon for us. There is nothing to hold us back.

So if you are reading this, my final destination is set. T-minus 23 hours till I get down on one knee and do the only thing I have truly felt destined for, making Jayme Lee my Mrs, my partner forever, the one who kicks me at night when I get too close, the one who wipes away my tears and bring me unending laughter and goofiness. And while this blog might be ending, our love story is just beginning.

“It’s not goodbye, It’s see-ya later”

The last wedding she will be my girlfriend for

Jayme’s To-do list she left me for Friday, I made a few changes 🙂

The to-do list Jayme left me for Friday, I made a few changes 🙂

83 hours, 4 minutes, and a handful of seconds until Jayme finishes up her conference and I propose marriage to her. Rarely do you see it written that way. Literally what I am doing is asking Jayme if she liked the idea of marrying me. Kind of a daunting question to ask a person when you are looking for an immediate answer. So I think it is safe to assume that she has been thinking about it, not just the abstract idea of marriage and being together for forever, but the actuality of it.

We are talking decades of existence, spending almost everyday with the same person. And depending who that person is, it can be the most exhilarating feeling. I feel like I am on the edge of a ledge, looking down at all these small figures that I can barely make out. They are kids, a dog, family reunions, building a house, a wedding… These things are mostly linked to this next step, the step that is now 5 minutes closer. The step that is done on one knee and with shaking hands. And while I can see over the ledge, I still have a few last things to tie-up before I can take the plunge.

Sure there are details to address, but the one I am referring to is talking with Jayme’s parents and seeing how they feel about me becoming a permanent fixture in their family. I already am in a family picture that is hanging, so I feel pretty good that I will get a positive response. I have been wanting to do this for a few weeks now, but the fact that me and Jayme do almost everything together and I cannot come up with a lie that is plausible and could give me a few hours to drive to her hometown has meant it kept getting pushed back. I was hoping to get a chance this last weekend when we were at her parents place for Easter celebration, but there was never a moment that wouldn’t be rushing it. So I will have to settle for a FaceTime call. So when Jayme leaves for her trip, the first thing I will is talk with the two people who raised this wonderful woman I cannot wait to ask to be my wife.

We are in the home stretch. fewer than 10 days I will be asking Jayme to be my wife and the one I come home to each and every night. It is kind of hard to believe that this is going to be a reality before long.

Life right now, feels stressful. I finally will be starting my new job, I have a bunch of pressure with changing careers and proving myself in a field I have not worked a day in, and along with the late night training’s, long days at work, and finalizing plans for the summer, I am trying to plan the perfect proposal. Where will I do it at? how will I make sure it is a surprise? What should I say? how will I make the moment memorable beyond her wildest dreams? I have thought about all the options I have and to be honest, it keeps me up at night, I don’t think I will be getting much for sleep at all over the next week or so. And while my head spins with options and how to plan the perfect proposal, I get hit with the reality of it all.

It. Does. Not. Matter.

The proposal is so insignificant in comparison to the love that it represents. So what if she knows it is gong to happen, or if it rains, or if I can’t find the perfect words. What really matters is what comes next, that ring on her finger, the shimmer in her eye, and the love in her heart. You can’t “win” the proposal by making it perfect, because as long as you have a fiance at the end of it, then you win.

and even with all that being said, Jayme, she, she deserves perfect. She sees passed the negative and polishes the good. she doesn’t look away she embraces the actuality and loves anyway. I want to yell right now, as loud as I can about how great she is, how she is my world, how this planet would be a better place if there were more people like her. What I am trying to say is, even though in the long run, the proposal doesn’t matter, I want to make it worthy of her and what she gives to me.

At the first holiday I got to spend with Jayme I was asked by two of her cousins (Anna and Claire) why they should approve of me dating Jayme? I took their question to heart and wrote letters to each of them that night and did my best to provide proof that I am good enough for her. And really, that is what I have been doing for the past year and half, trying to prove to the her, her family, the world, and myself, that I am worthy of her and who she is. And to be honest, I never will be. But this is the promise I make to her, that everyday, I will wake up, kiss her good morning, and dedicate myself to being worthy of her love.

It is not often I get caught off guard by cute things Jayme does, she is sweet always and never misses a beat with being the best partner for me. This morning however I felt that special flood of feels and was surprised.

Last night I couldn’t sleep, I was up coughing so I went to the other bedroom, I still struggled but eventually got to bed. I was groggy and was running behind. So that means no lunch, or coffee for sure. But the first sound I hear is of the peculating pot filling slowly. Jayme made me coffee, got my lunch together and wanted to make sure I had a “good start to the week. Because, important”. A pot of coffee and a salad were much more then just things, they were a transformative power. They were love, support, kindness, and everything other emotion that got me though today. This is only but an example of Jayme’s ability to focus on what is important. She makes sure I see my friends, that we visit with family, that we enjoy our life now and that we plan for the future.

It has been 74 posts and tens of thousands of words written that have gotten me to where I am today. Less than two weeks from a proposal. two weeks from the rest of my life. I used to fixate so much on that moment, making it perfect, you know… because, important. But after today I have realized, that one moment is not important on its own, it is the collection of all of them. The story of a life is not in snapshots but in memories in motion. Our story will not be a highlight real of “the best hits” but will be the entirety of our time, all the moments, small and big. There is nothing to leave out because, everyday is important.

Photo credit to our most recent bike and brew that was this weekend. Along with my Nephew’s Birthday comprised our weekend activities. That and being madly in love.