No this is not the last post I will be writing, but this is a post about last times. I heard this new song (Last time for everything) and it inspired me to write about something we often don’t think about until it is too late.

I have been writing about new love, about experiencing “firsts” together with Jayme. When I told her I loved her, when we went to holidays, moving in together, the list goes on. But everything has an end. rarely do you get the chance to know that you are experiencing the last time something will happen. With Jayme the “last times” we have experienced have been good ones, last time driving to Wahpeton, last time sleeping in our dumpy old apartment. those are the types of last times that we are getting to experience right now and it is fantastic! But not all last times are those we relish.

I remember the last time I walked upstairs before I knew my parents were splitting up, the last time I got to put on a football helmet and play the game I love, the last time I got to play music for my grandma. Those last times are moments I would give anything to go back to. I want to appreciate them more, stay a little longer, walk a little slower, feel the air, savory everything. But, no matter what I would do different, they still would be those final moments, when the book closes and the memories are shelved to be remembered but never lived again. the finite finality of existence is what makes life what it is.

I want to live each moment like it might be the last of whatever I am doing, to be present in all situations and invest in those that matter. And Jayme is the center of that desire. Right now we are carefree (for the most part) settled but not stagnant, I want to make sure that I am able to give her the unbound and adventurous life we can have with no kids and limited responsibilities, so when our last day of that life ends that we are looking forward to the “firsts” and not longing for the “lasts”.

But right now, I am looking forward to the last time I call her my girlfriend and give her a title more fitting for my dedication, love, and complete devotion to her and our future life together.