Wedding bells were in the air this weekend. Okay there were no bells of ANY kind and even if they were they would not have been in in the air they would have been perched on some type of swinging contraption. But I digress. Jayme and I were able to attend our very first wedding together. We got to see friends, dance, drink, and be the best looking couple there (okay I am biased, second best). While it was fun to celebrate, it also allowed me a glimpse into a different side of Jayme. It was a fancy occasion we got to get dressed up for and feel like for a night that we had no money worries, that we were just two people in love.

I enjoyed every aspect of the day and most of all spending it with her. We got ready together, made a dollar store pit stop, were the first people to the cocktail hour (see amazing picture) and we danced our hearts out on the floor. Yes it was a magical evening that only helped to solidify my desire to have our own special day together.  It is sending chills running down my body thinking about what that will mean, what it will be, and the truth is, I don’t even know if I will be able to comprehend it when it does. For now that is okay because I have the love of an amazing woman who never gives up, who loves with every fiber of her being, and that is more than enough for me. I couldn’t figure out a super cute way to work in this song, but it has been playing on repeat for me. With all the struggles it is nice to know that she wants to lift me as much as I her.

 

Yes the title is a catchy Aerosmith song, (and done great by Eminem too) but it is something I have been contemplating lately. Dreaming can be very fun to do, to look into the future and see a grand life you are wanting to have someday. That was not the case recently for me and Jayme. We looked at our dreams and we wondered if we were making the best decsions to reach those dreams. It was a sad afternoon of FB messages back and forth, but there was a great light that came from it. We realized that even though we cannot make every dream happen today, we can still make some, enter, Creative day.

Creative day allows us to express our creative side, we both want to someday be able to build a home together and make it ours, but for now we can paint pictures, play music, write stories and do all the other things that allow us to create in a different way. It is a nice change from just sitting in front of the TV (which we still like to do). It lets us live some of those dreams we have, even if just for a few hours in an evening.

It is hard to imagine a world without Jayme in my life, having a woman that can help me reach my dreams today and into the future is an amazing gift. So that golden field of prairie grass blowing in the stiff autumn winds might only be a picture today, but it is a dream I will realize with my bride by my side.

It has been awhile since I wrote about the impetuous (yes I knew the word, but finding the proper spelling awhile) for my blog for Jayme. I want a gift to present to her, to show her my thoughts and our memories over our time dating before she answers that question I want to ask. As time has been passing and we have navigated our lives together, I get glimpses into the time after I ask. The planning, the sharing, the love, all the obvious things are present, but when is it going to happen is still a mystery.

I know when I would ideally like to do this, after I get a new job, we are set in our plans for moving to a new place, and the air is crisp with scents of fall all around.

Now while that might sound perfect, there are plenty of barriers from it coming true and being the chosen time. First and foremost would be not wanting a two year engagement. Jayme’s sister is getting hitched next fall already and feel like it might be too close together. So this would push an engagement into next spring, an almost unacceptable time for me to wait to ask Jayme to be with me forever.  Secondly I don’t have a work solution figured out. That could happen in a matter of days, weeks, or, months, one can never be sure until they are certain.

The one thing that is not holding me/us back is the most pivotal piece though, our commitment and love for each other. We love and support each other beyond anything I have witnessed in my life. It is everything that should be foundational in a relationship that will stand the test of time. So with that, I know that this is what I want, It is what I will have, but right now, the waiting game we are playing can be torture-some and necessary all at the same time. And since the ball is in my court, I will do my best to be patient for our time to come, for the future to unfurl and reveal when our forever is meant to begin. Until that time I will be sitting, waiting, and loving the woman of my dreams.

 

Me and Jayme right now are sharing a small one bedroom apartment. It is cramped, has very loose outlets, (you don’t know the importance of a well fitting outlet until you have dealt with this trash) no A/C, and has lead me to become a serial spider killer. It has plenty of flaws and I could keep counting, but the most important thing about it to me is that it is ours. When we are both home and the sun is setting we can lock the door behind us. That small, cramped, buggy, old, and worn out place becomes something much more. It is a sanctuary. It is a place the provides refuge from a sometimes brutal world full of anger, frustration, and loss. When we are together, and that door is locked, there are only two things that exist in this world. Me and the Woman who makes this place home.

And when you really get right down to it, having a home in the sense we do, having each other, like we have each other, is there anything else that is needed? Sure there are a lot of details to complete this picture of life, but we will figure those out, we have the brushes and canvas, our masterpiece is a work in progress.

I feel so fortunate to know my future so well. there might be plenty of uncertainty of how we will get there, but I know who will be riding shotgun on my journey there.

Just a couple photos Jayme had on her phone, I tricked her into sending them 🙂