Thoughts on Clocks

I used to think all that clocks did was tell you the time. Hours, minutes, seconds, and days if its real fancy. But recently, clocks have become to tell me so much more, and I wanted to share that with you. There are all types of clocks in the world. Big ones on towers, small ones you wear on your wrist, digital ones, traditional ones, ones that chime and ring, ones that blink, ones that talk, ones that sing, but they all have something in common for me now. They tell me how to feel. 7:22 is no longer just a time before work, it reminds me to feel grateful that I have just spent the last evening sleeping with the woman I love. 8:05 has me longing to caress your skin or kiss your lips just one more time. 1:00 makes me feel nervous excitement remembering our first date to the Guthrie. 4:00 makes me giddy thinking about seeing your smiling face in the seat next to me.

To me, Clocks, don’t represent time alone anymore, they represent feeling, they have their own individual expressed emotion unbeknownst to anyone else. Furthermore, the world, not just clocks are now painted with a new brush adding a depth and texture to previously dimensionless places and objects. This expansion of meaning has brought new life to what I thought was already a magical world. I am beyond grateful that I have you to illuminate the dark spots and extenuate the already bright ones. I love you Miss Jayme, the last month has been whirlwind to say the least, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Have a wonderful day my sweetheart and remember that I just a few doors away is a man the loves you always and unconditionally. I hope that now, whenever you look at a clock that you no longer see numbers and dials, but all the feels.

-Luke

 

 

A whole week and no new post, well last week was a tough one. Pressures and stress of work pushed me into not myself entirely. I did not love as fully as I should have, but that is all over, and I am back to my old self, it made me think about the concept of being lost and when else are we more lost then in a thick fog.

The title of this post might lead some to think about the term “Fog of War” The idea that in battle, there is much confusion and not all things are known. well, I think love can sometimes be that way too.

I get to spend my days. nights, my every time with the greatest woman in the world. Being that close to such a strong love sometimes means I don’t see the basics of that love and take that for granite. for example, when I was crushed from not getting that job, she was there to hold my hand and when I just wanted to sleep she made sure both fans were pointed at me. That might seem small, but I will never forget that action. It reminds me that I need to cherish the ordinary along with the extraordinary.

I am meant to be hers and her mine. I intend to keep it that way until my last day. and while the Fog of Love might get thick at times, our commitment to each other will keep us safe and most importantly, together.

 

Jayme likes to play “The Sims 2” (make note of the generation of the game, anything else is considered not right). It is a game that I play as well, but not recently. One day we were talking about it and I asked her why she didn’t just use the cheat to get all the money. Her response was, “that is half the fun.”

Right now my eyes are tearing up and shivers are running down my back and legs, thinking about what I am seeing in my mind and what I want to write. My thoughts are just a bit ahead of my fingers, don’t worry though, I will get to the mushy stuff.

Now back to the story, I didn’t quite understand, her not wanting to have everything all at once and do whatever she wanted. But for her, building a life, albeit a virtual one, being able to see the struggles, made the successes that much sweeter. That is the kind of woman you want to build a life with.

Right now, we struggle, we endure, but we do it as a “we”. For quite awhile I lamented my position in life, that I was not able to give her everything I felt she needed and deserved. I felt inadequate, that I was not the kind of man she deserved. But as this amazing woman showed me day after day, that she wanted to be nowhere but right next to me. Whether we are struggling or coasting, she wants to be next to me.

So here we are; two people standing, building a life from scratch, from the ground up. It is far from perfect, it’s riddled with cuts, bruises, and tears, but they are ours, and the comfort of knowing that simple fact is inexpiable. I eagerly await the life we will build, the home, the twinkles, the everything with Jayme.

(It should be noted that Pokémon Go came out last week and I totally could have likened this post to being about starter Pokémon, but I didn’t so I think that deserves some mad props)

 

The 4th is almost here! We are gearing up to celebrate America with guns, drinks, lakes, fire, and games. Thinking about heading up to my dads with Jayme gets better each time. With each trip we gain new memories and she becomes even more engrained into my family. The weather looks like it will hold and we should have an amazing time. These are the times when love is easy, when arguments are few and kisses plenty. But what I want to talk about today is how we weather the storms of life in an effort to not simply survive, but to thrive.

Jayme and I might not be living in squalor, but times are tough right now.  With uncertainty around every corner we have times that push us, make us uncomfortable. Tension develops and attempts to drive us apart, but what we have cannot be broken.

I liken our resolve to that of a tall pine tree. There are a row of them at my grandma’s house. When the winds come and whip strong they will sway to and fro, violently at times. They appear to be at the mercy of mother nature, but in reality, these trees are doing what they are designed to. Absorb and go where the wind takes it. And when the skies calm and the sun shines, it is the pine that stands tall.  They might have missing bark or a broken branch, but still standing.

When a storm rages in our lives (like our current financial woes) we have learned (and are learning) to sway with the storm. to rely on the other as we do in the good times as well. Jayme not only keeps me grounded in what really matters, but also keeps me growing to reach my potential. I like to think I do the same for her. We are family now and I cannot wait to join our lives together in front of our loved ones, but until then we she weather our storms together, we will bend, but never, ever break.