Month: May 2016

The gift of life

Posted on by lwsteinbach

It has been a crazy week, with Jayme moving in and vacation I have not gotten a chance to write about my love. Over that time I gained further reasoning and understanding to want to forge our lives into one.

13307323_1622892771366777_5580939031723961022_n

The title might lead someone to think that Jayme saved my life. Perhaps I was drowning, or maybe in a deep depression, but neither of these are true. What Jayme did is provide me with a life full of life. Let me explain. See I had been making the motions, going to parties, seeing friends, doing the things I enjoy, and generally being a happy individual. I felt that I was fulfilled, that I had understood existence and done a good job at being Luke. But something happened when I spent my first day with Jayme. It was like finally seeing the depth of experience. She gave dimension to an otherwise linear life. It was more then a shift in thinking, it was a whole new world.

This weekend added to that world. She helped me define family for me, she helped and supported me in planning a weekend up with mom and my brothers, something we have not done in over 15 years. She is a sweet and tender woman who is always by my side, guiding me down the path to forever. I might be 6 years older then her, but she is light-years more advanced emotionally then I am.

So even though I lived before Jayme, now, I have the gift of life.  Deep, emotional, raw, open, tender, and purposeful life.

4 Sleeps till forever.

Posted on by lwsteinbach

So I technically started this posted on Monday (I titled it at least) but am writing it on Tuesday. It sounds better with 4 so we stick with it. 🙂

This is it, the last Monday morning drive into work without my babe being on the other side. This is been a very long journey together, we have learned a lot and grown even closer as a couple. When I started this blog I knew that it was about my time with Jayme, how when the time was right, that I would propose to her and provide her with the gift of me forever (and some type of ring-like figure as well). I never thought that throughout this journey that I would be able to be loved and love so intensely. I know now that I am ready to make this official, but I think my babe needs a little more time to figure out what our engagement would look like. So We will continue this journey no longer in two separate locations, but together, under the same roof, with the same bed, and behind the same door.

Sunday’s have been tough, even when we are together we know our time is short and it is like a cloud hanging over us. But this Sunday will be something magical, because even though I have to go in work, I know my babe will be at our home.   We have always been in a state of transition, stability has not been a luxury we have been afforded, but that all changes in 4 sleeps.  The tender love of the same woman who saved a baby bunny this weekend, will be with me from this day forward.

So even though I haven’t found a job closer to home, or Jayme doesn’t have one at all, or the fact that we are massively in debt, we have the one most absolutely pivotal piece to happiness. Real, genuine, unfiltered, love on the rocks. Its not dolled up or diluted by selfishness and jealousy, It is pure and simple. It is ours to enjoy and hold sacred. We might have plenty of other problems to solve, but in 4 sleeps… we have forever to figure it out.

The left: The sun setting on my first time leaving Jayme

The Right: The Sun rising on my last time leaving the love of my life.

She is out of my league

Posted on by lwsteinbach

I was looking for some inspiration on a rainy day, then this song came on my playlist and the hairs stood up on my arms and chills ran down my back, now this is something I can relate to. Don’t believe me? I can prove it. Below are the lyrics, broken down with reference to my bride-to-be.

it’s her hair and her eyes todayIMG_1957
that just simply take me away

 

I get lost in more then just her eyes and hair, but it always is the piercing honesty and love in her eyes along with the playful way her hair falls that draw me in and renders me utterly speechless. Before we even met I saw this picture of our future intern who would become the love of my life. It took my breath away then, and still does today.

and the feeling that i’m falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good wayIMG_2134.PNG

Remember when I said that this song made my hair stand up and shivers down my back? well that is because this woman, Jayme, sometimes feels too good to be real. Like putting my needs before hers, always thinking the most of me, and never allowing anger or jealousy to control our relationship. I get moments that I don’t believe to be real, they shake me at my core, but in a good way.

all the times I have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hairIMG_2252.PNG

Jayme is purposeful, whether she is getting ready to look her best, talk with a friend, work on a project, she always does so with intent. I am always in awe of her level of thoughtfulness with her life. I love her ability to care and “give fucks” about the dumb concerns I have. She always cares. I not only metaphorically stare, I actually stare because she is simply stunning and I cannot take my eyes off of her. I am addicted to her love and look.

and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to sayIMG_2120.PNG

Playfulness, humor, goofiness are all some of the basic building blocks of our relationship and also who Jayme is as a person. Whether we are talking about her smelly farts (okay fine my smelly farts) tickle/not tickling “I just want to rest my hand in your arm pit, I won’t move it”<—(that is real BTW), or having fake phone conversations with “babes-r-us” We always being completely ourselves together. and on a different level, the simplicity of this leaves me stunned, how what truly brings happiness are those moments where she makes a goofy face, or a joke, and is my best friend and not just my girlfriend.

cause I love her with all that I am
and my voice shakes along with my handsIMG_2041.PNG

So I want to preface this with, I never get nervous to present, talk, discuss, or in the past, flirt. I am smooth and great with words (make a spelling or grammar joke right now, I dare you) but Jayme doesn’t allow me that luxury. Of course I am able to be me around her and we are completely in love, but the first time I really felt that I might not be doing enough was when I was courting her. She was so beyond what I thought existed in this world, that I finally understood what it meant to be humbled in the art of communication.

cause she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and I’m out of my league once againIMG_1985

 ^that, exactly what is said in the song, word for word. I went from living in the basement of a friend, with no real possessions (old bed, tv, and dresser lent from family), no direction, but that all changed on the day that I got to hold her hand, look into her eyes, and call her “mine”.

 

it’s a masterful melody when she calls out my name to meIMG_2111

 

The sweetest sound in the world is my name rolling off her lips, whether it is my real name (Luke) one of the many nicknames she has given me (Max, Mr. Mcdougall, Lucas, Pukas, Kitten) or simply “Babe”. Whichever one she chooses matters not to me, I could listen to that for the rest of my life, and I intend to make it so.

as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and I feel like I’m falling but it’s no surpriseIMG_2835

Jayme takes things as they come, never really appearing overwhelmed by what is
ahead of her. (unless it relates to having no sweets in the house, then shit gets real). But she has such a pragmatic way of dealing with problems and issues. She shakes them off and lets the negativity shed from her life and she accentuates the beauty and positivism. I want to emulate her in this respect, She has me falling for her even when she is simply being herself and that is an irreplaceable feeling .

coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands

see above

cause it’s frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i’d rather be here than on land12642787_10100262883222645_6001755073780260020_n

The dive into love and relationship is a big one.
Most people tend to dip their toes in, always keeping a guard of some-kind up so when/if it ends, the pain won’t be so bad. This might be true, but they are never able to feel the most intense levels of love. Both me and Jayme have done the opposite, we took off all that protects us and have jumped head first into the sea of togetherness, no life-vest, no raft, just each other. Finding a partner who is willing to take that leap with me has lead me to the most amazing adventure of my life.

 

 

And from there it repeats, but the song has such a strong meaning to me, such an honesty that evokes all aspects of Jayme and mine’s relationship that whenever I hear this song in the future it will stop me in my tracks and remind me that not only have a found the love of my life, best friend, and future wife, but I have found something so incredibly special, that few get to truly understand, I need to protect and foster that, because as the song says, “yes she’s all that i see and she’s all that i need and i’m out of my league once again.”

 

 

 

My Mom LOVES her

Posted on by lwsteinbach

So as I sit and reflect on one of the last weeks of being apart I wanted to remind myself of some of the real reasons I know Jayme is going to be with me forever. And since it is also Mother’s Day this weekend I think there is no more fitting topic for me to quick right about then the title you see above.

My Mom is such an important person in my life, all of my family is really, but there is something about the approval of a mother that is harder for a girl to get sometimes. Now I have dated before and my mom has always tolerated others, but never did she love them. I can tell you that when my mom sees the smile that Jayme puts on my face, how calm and relaxed I appear, how truly cared for I am, She sees that this woman will be her next and last daughter in law.

And really how couldn’t she? Jayme is so many things to me and has such a strong sense of nurturing, compassion, and love that she would make any mother proud to welcome her into their family. This weekend I am planning on making the drive to visit my mom, two hours out of the way for Jayme on her already 3 hour drive that day, but I can bet, that when she reads this post that we will have a great memories to talk about on our first Mother’s Day together.

And one day, when my Son brings home his future wife, I can only pray she is a quarter of the woman that my will-be-wife is.

 

In good times and in bad

Posted on by lwsteinbach

Jayme’s love for me is strong. I don’t mean just strong like she will help me when I am down, she won’t be tempted by any good looking guy (even Josh Dummel… I hope). I mean she loves me in a way that shows me that the words “Does she really love me?” don’t even exist. Today for me was hard, I dropped a half cup of mayo all over my pants,  my cookies in the vending machine got stuck and I was feeling kind of miserable about my lack of job prospects. I was in a downward spiral, a real “feel bad for me” type of mood.

Most people would scold the other person, make them feel even smaller then they did, but not my Jayme. The strength of her love endures the whining and complaining I do and just continues to support and encourage me with the purest form of caring. While I know the things I explained are not life altering or devastating, but to me, at that time, they were. I was able to lean on my will-be-wife and find the strength I needed in that moment. So for that, I am beyond grateful for.

But she is also there in the good times too, like this past weekend where we got to spend some much needed alone time together. We watched my nephew for the evening on Friday and went to bed early before getting up on Saturday to spend the day galavanting around downtown Minneapolis before going to the Twins’ game. Do you want to know my favorite part? well I have two. The first was grabbing lunch and drinks at the 508 Bar. That is where we had our first kiss. It was such a real and honest moment. We both gushed so much about how we both knew we had found our soulmates. We cried happy tears, talked about our future together and agreed to come back as often as we can to reminisce about that wonderful evening we had our last first kiss.

The Second was after the game, back at home. We opened all the windows in our tiny apartment and napped with the breeze blowing in. The sounds of the trees swaying put us to sleep. It was so perfect of a moment with her lying on my chest, I could have lived in that moment forever and never missed anything else.

She is my life and the rest of the world is just background noise.